


Off to a bad start

by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Captivity, Demons, Deutsch | German, Español | Spanish, F/F, First Kiss, Hurt Alec, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Magic, Raphael is a Little Shit, Socially Awkward Alec, hurt jace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 21:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9203096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiseYourVoice/pseuds/mckvch
Summary: "How did you manage to never run into him? He's always helping with stuff and he's even been at the institute about three weeks ago to strengthen the wards against further attacks from Valentine," she replied and looked at her brother incredulously. Alexander scrunched up his nose and shrugged."Well, maybe I have better things to do than waiting around to watch some overrated warlock do magic tricks," he commented a little defensively but it was the truth. He always had something to do and even when they were not out demon hunting, he had either paperwork to do or train."Pardon me, but I'm not justsome overrated warlock. I'm the High Warlock of Brooklyn and that title is well deserved, if I may say so. And I'm appalled that you refer to my magic as pettytricks. You Nephilim always act to high and mighty, yet you're constantly in need of sometricksfromoverrated warlocksto help you out of some unnecessary dilemma," a foreign voice interjected and Alec whirled around, fingers instinctively curling around his bow to be ready to attack if need be. The owner of the voice was not what Alexander had expected, to be honest.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Only took me a few months to finish this thing and on one hand I'm amazed that I actually wrote a longer one-shot than usual, on the other hand I'm not too sure if this is any good. I probably messed something up but you are, as usual, welcome to correct me :)

"If we don't manage to find this demon in the next few days it will be impossible to trace its steps. We _need_ to call in help," Izzy said with an angry frown that was mostly directed at Jace who stubbornly kept on insisting that they were fine and would manage on their own. They clearly didn't. Some human cult had summoned this rather strong demon and after killing every single one of these idiots, the demon had fled the scene and had disappeared, only to resurface in Europe. They had wanted to inform a nearby institute and hand the job over but Jace thought it was a great idea to convince Maryse to portal them after the damn thing to finish what they had started.

"Don't be so dramatic. We will get to it eventually. Even demons make mistakes," Jace replied with a bored expression and examined his seraph blade, not even looking up when Isabelle huffed in annoyance.

"You're still sulking about Clary? How about you grow up and accept the fact that she asked _me_ out and that she's simply not into you!"

There it was again. The dreaded topic. Alec tried to shrink a little further into the uncomfortable couch in hopes of disappearing somewhere that was not here. Sadly, couches tended to not grant such favours and therefore the oldest Lightwood had to sit through another of those discussions _once again_. The whole thing had been going on for a few weeks now and it was borderline insane how Jace acted about all of this. He was not used to being rejected by girls and he was especially not used to said girls choosing Izzy over him. So now he was mad at Isabelle and let her feel his hurt ego every damn chance he got. Whatever Izzy said, Jace had a better idea or just disagreed on principle.

"GUYS! How about you stop you petty little competition?! Jace, fucking accept it already that Clary doesn't care about your looks and get over yourself already. We have a mission to finish and it's getting us nowhere to work against each other. We're a team, act like it!" Alexander finally intervened with a slightly raised voice, causing both of his siblings to jerk in surprise. Yes, Alec was the leader of their little team but he rarely got loud or even cursed - hopefully, it helped convey how done he was with this stupid behaviour and that he would not let it continue any longer.

"It's not my fault, Alec. He's acting like I stole Clary from him when she never even looked at him twice in the first place," Isabelle defended herself but decided to shut up about it when he older brother just glared, obviously fed up with all of this.

"You're right, Izzy, we do need help. The guy the Berlin institute sent to help us is a complete disaster. I'm still not even sure if he ever took an English lesson but I don't get what he's saying 90% of the time and it's _not helpful_. If we want to interview this woman the demon attacked last we need someone who's able to translate because I highly doubt that the old lady is any more capable with our language than the other guy," Alec sighed and when his sister suggested messaging the New York institute, he simply nodded in agreement and was honestly glad she would handle this, even though it was usually his job as the team leader. He just wanted this job to be done and go back home.

* * *

"Wait... _the_ Magnus Bane? _Why_ is he the one they're sending and not one of our own?" Jace frowned at the info and crossed his arms in front of his chest, thinking for a brief moment before shaking his head.

"Well, whatever. You wanted help, seems like you're getting it. Congratulations," he added with a wry smile and Alec knew his sister was very tempted to punch their adopted brother on the face. Repeatedly. Hopefully, she would make use of her exemplary self-control and not give in to the urge because this would end pretty ugly.

"I heard quite a few stories about him but I never actually met the guy," Alec remarked to keep his siblings from murdering each other and Isabelle frowned at him in sheer disbelief.

"How did you manage to never run into him? He's always helping with stuff and he's even been at the institute about three weeks ago to strengthen the wards against further attacks from Valentine," she replied and looked at her brother incredulously. Alexander scrunched up his nose and shrugged.

"Well, maybe I have better things to do than waiting around to watch some overrated warlock do magic tricks," he commented a little defensively but it was the truth. He always had something to do and even when they were not out demon hunting, he had either paperwork to do or train.

"Pardon me, but I'm not just _some overrated warlock_. I'm the High Warlock of Brooklyn and that title is well deserved, if I may say so. And I'm appalled that you refer to my magic as petty _tricks_. You Nephilim always act to high and mighty, yet you're constantly in need of some _tricks_ from _overrated warlocks_ to help you out of some unnecessary dilemma," a foreign voice interjected and Alec whirled around, fingers instinctively curling around his bow to be ready to attack if need be. The owner of the voice was not what Alexander had expected, to be honest. Obviously, this had to be Magnus Bane but he had not thought the guy to be this...this...sparkly?

"Uh," was Alec's very eloquent reply and he felt his cheeks heat up a little because this was probably the worst first impression he could have made. Magnus was clearly not impressed by his reaction, just rolled his eyes and flicked a strand of cobalt blue streaked hair from his view, glittery nail polish of the same colour sparking with the elegant movement of his hand. Alexander had to admit, the warlock did leave quite the impression.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--I was--" Alec had no idea what he wanted to say and because a half-assed apology was probably only making it worse, he finally just settled on introducing himself which did _nothing_ to make Magnus glare at him less. Oh boy, had he fucked this up already.

"I'm aware of who you are, Albert. The blond one over there it Jane and of course my dear Isabelle. How are you doing with these two Neanderthals, darling?" Magnus pointedly used wrong names and Alec almost winced while Jace only sent an unimpressed glare and obviously decided that he would waste his time with the new addition to their team.

"Oh, you know how boys are but I'm kicking their asses if they don't behave so all is good," Izzy replied with a bright smile that widened even more when Magnus reached out for her hand to press a feathery kiss to the back of it in greeting. Alexander couldn't help but narrow his eyes a little at the obvious familiarity of this gesture and he had honestly not expected Izzy to know the warlock personally, had assumed he knew him in the _I saw him in the institute a few times_ kind of way. But his sister had always had this _thing_ , being friends or more with different kinds of Downworlders, but he was sure this wasn't one of her affairs because she seemed pretty serious about Clary, as far as Alec could tell.

"And please excuse my brother, he didn't mean to be insulting," Isabelle added with a sweet smile but Magnus seemed very unimpressed, glanced at Alec sceptically before shaking his head a little.

"It's not like I hadn't had my fair share of rude Nephilim. I really couldn't care less about another prejudiced meathead," the warlock replied with a dismissive gesture and simply ignored Alec's protesting huff.

"I'm here to help you catch some demon?" Magnus changed the topic smoothly and he kept on addressing Isabelle, completely ignoring the fact that there were two other people in the room. Alec admittedly felt kind of bad about the first impression he made, even though the guy seemed pretty eccentric and would probably be quite the pain in the ass with his whole glittery, dramatic self. Nobody had to know that, for a split second, he had thought that the warlock might be the most handsome person he had ever seen. _It was purely objective, okay?!_ Even a gay guy could acknowledge another man's looks without it meaning anything more! At least Alexander hoped that was the case...

* * *

Alec had zoned out for the most part of the conversation but he already knew the job so there was no point in listing to his sister re-telling it for the sake of their new team addition. Magnus just listened to everything in silence and nodded when Izzy finished before he announced that he was, in fact, able to help track down the demon and with interviewing the latest victim.

"Shall we go, then? Or do you intend to wait around some more until you get another victim?" Magnus asked with fake cheerfulness but his eyes were dark and icy while glancing at the other two guys in the room for the first time since arriving. For a split second Alec thought the warlock's eyes changes colour or at least had a golden glow to them but it he blinked and it was gone. Probably his imagination.

"How about you guys go do that and I will track the demon down in a more efficient way," Jace interfered, his fingers curled around his seraph blade and he was already on his feet, ready to leave the rather small apartment they used for their hopefully short stay in Germany.

"You're not heading out alone and get yourself killed!" Alec was on his feet as well, stomping towards his parabatai with an annoyed frown and he really had it up to here with Jace and his dramatic, self-sacrificial missions. Jace always thought he was the one carrying the weight of the world and that it was his responsibility to save the world, defeat Valentine and bring peace to all the lands - or whatever the fuck it was the other had on his to-do list.

"Let me remind you of the fact that I'm the best Shadowhunter in our institute. I'm not going to get myself killed because I know what I'm doing," Jace snapped angrily and glared at Alec for doubting his oh-so-perfect skills. He has acted like this, all high and mighty, ever since this job started and Alexander knew it couldn't just be the thing with Clary that had the other lash out like this and be on edge all the time but he couldn't figure out the other reason(s).

Maybe it was still about finding that Valentine had raised Jace for most of his life, pretending to be Michael Wayland, and then claimed that he actually was Jace's real father. For some reason, he had believed this maniac but a blood sample had quickly proven that he couldn't be Jocelyn's son or Clary's brother. By now they had managed to find out that the other belonged to the family of the Herondale's and Alec knew his parabatai still struggled with accepting the name as his own. Of course, it must be awful to spend you life thinking you knew where you came from and suddenly it changed multiple times over the course of a few months. It had messed with Jace's head and that was probably the reason why he took the thing with Clary this hard because it was another thing he kind of lost lately.

"How about I accompany you? We have stuff to talk about anyway," Isabelle suggested and Alec was about to protest because not only should it be him watching his parabatai's back but he had already fucked it up with Magnus and sure as hell didn't want to be left alone with the warlock. Izzy was already friends with Magnus so it was much more logical for her to pair up with the man. But before he could say any of this out loud Jace honestly nodded his agreement, with an annoyed sigh but he still agreed without starting another discussion about how great he was and how he didn't need anybody's help.

* * *

"So...Izzy said you are responsible for the wards at the institute?" Alec tried to start a conversation on their way to the victim they wanted to talk to and for some reason chose to use mundane transportations because either Magnus didn't want to use a lot of magic for another portal in such a short time or he just didn't want to make one for a Shadowhunter to use. Or it was simply because of Alexander and his rudeness from before. He started to assume it was the latter and that Magnus would rather take the long way instead of doing something that could be considered helpful towards Alec.

"Yes but if you want to blame me for Valentine's attack a while back, that's not my fault. The wards should have been renewed at least two months ago but of course, you Nephilim only ask for help when it's absolutely necessary - or demand to be helped, to be precise," the warlock replied drily and shot Alexander a short glare. The Shadowhunter swallowed and didn't give in to the urge to duck his head. His stupid comment from before really made Magnus hate him, huh?

"That's not...not what I meant," he mumbled and shrugged his shoulder, decided to drop the topic and just not talk to the other because it obviously only got worse otherwise. Despite Magnus' comments about the proud Nephilim and how they didn't want a Downworlder's help, they certainly did need said help and Alexander did not want to be the reason for the other to decide he would help anymore. He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn after all - one of the most powerful warlocks and definitely a valuable ally, even though most Shadowhunters would never admit to it.

They didn't talk the rest of the way and the bus ride to the right address was awkward as hell. Not just because it was a bus ride. It felt so weird to be on a bus, surrounded by mundanes and while Alec's gear was glamoured, Magnus did get quite some glances with his colourful, glittery self. Alexander felt even more awkward because of all the attention the other got because he was right next to the warlock looking as plain as one could dressed all in black. They together were probably the strangest sight some people on the bus had seen in quite some time - at least judging by the way some of them stared openly.

After leaving the _bus of social awkwardness_ , as Alec decided to call it, they had to walk two blocks until they finally reached their destination. The Shadowhunter pressed the doorbell and realised he had no idea what he was supposed to say. He had spent the ride thinking about how he had fucked up with Magnus or what the people around them might be assuming instead of focusing on the mission. Seriously, what was wrong with him today?! He was _always_ focused on the mission!

The lady that answered the door was probably in her late sixties with a wrinkled, kind face that was lined with worry and a hint of fear. Before Alexander was able to even greet the woman, Magnus was already introducing himself and greeted the lady with a kiss to the back of her hand. He stared at the warlock for a second before noticing that it was probably his turn to introduce himself.

"Uh, I'm Alec Lightwood, nice to meet you," he shook the woman's hand a little awkwardly and frowned because she looked at him questioningly.

"You do realise that she doesn't speak English and that's the reason I'm here, yes?" Magnus asked in a dry, bored tone and Alec felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment because he was so off his game today that it was almost painful. The warlock probably thought he was the dumbest Nephilim in the history of ever.

" _Entschuldigen Sie ihn bitte. Darf ich Ihnen Alexander Lightwood vorstellen? Sie erinnern sich ja sicherlich noch an die junge Frau, die Sie letztlich besuchte - dieser grimming dreinschauende Kerl ist ihr Bruder_ ," Magnus explained in perfect German - at least Alec assumed that it was perfect because he didn't understand anything other than his name. He was also surprised to hear the other talk German even though that was what Magnus was here for indeed and he should have expected it. Alexander had no idea how old the other was but probably a few centuries and it was only logical that he probably got around in the world and mastered different languages during this time.

They entered the woman's, Mrs Fischer's, apartment and while Magnus talked to her, Alec zoned out a little and inspected the lady's home because he couldn't understand the conversation anyway. He tried to listen to what was being said every once in a while but there were barely words that sounded at least a little bit like English words and he had no clue if they meant the same so it was absolutely no use to pay much attention to it.

"You could at least pretend to pay attention," the warlock almost hissed at him when Mrs Fischer left the room and Alec suppressed a sigh, glanced at the warlock at the other end of the couch they were sitting on.

"That's a little difficult to do when I don't understand a single word," he replied sourly and pressed his lips together when Magnus only huffed and shook his head but then returned to be all sweet and friendly when their host returned holding a tray with glasses and a pitcher made of glass filled with purple-ish liquid. Alec took the offered glass after Mrs Fischer poured some of the drink into it and muttered a "Thank you" because he didn't even know how that was said in German. He had no clue what this drink was but he really didn't want to ask Magnus and therefore took a careful sip, noticed it was just some kind of tea with berries.

" _Dieser Tee ist wirklich köstlich_ ," Magnus commented and the Shadowhunter assumed at least _Tee_ could be translated to _tea_ and despite not having a clue what the rest meant he nodded softly because hopefully, it was a compliment about the taste of the drink. Alexander felt horribly out of his depths here - he was a warrior and got at fighting but social interactions were never his thing, especially not in a language he didn't even know.

* * *

"Wait...you're telling me just spent almost two hours in there and you got basically no useful information from that woman whatsoever?!" Alec stared at the warlock in disbelieve and the guy actually had the nerve to smile sweetly.

"I engaged in small talk with Mrs Fischer because people, especially the elder, tend to be more talkative when they trust someone. I know you Nephilim know nothing about taking your time and treating others properly. Also, the information might not be too useful but she gave me this," Magnus replied, all relaxed and mildly amused for some reason. He held out his hand, uncurling his fingers and there was a small piece of fabric resting in the palm of his hand. Alexander frowned at the little shred and reached out to take it but his fingertips only brushed Magnus's fingers that closed around the fabric again and he jerked his hand back on instinct at the accidental contact.

"And this is useful...how?"

"It's a piece of clothing. From the demon. I might be able to use it for tracking the demon's whereabouts or at least trace the direction he took after the attack. It's a lead and at least something," the warlock explained with a sigh as if he was, once again, very much done with Alec and deemed his question stupid. Well, maybe the question had been stupid - tracking spells and magic were not unknown to him and he could do a similar kind of tracking together with Jace but his brain obviously didn't work properly at all today.

And again they spent the rest of the way back to the small apartment in silence. Alec didn't really dare to try to ask more stupid questions and he didn't want to risk sounding offensive again either, seeing as this was his new special ability with Magnus around. It irked him that the warlock thought of him as just another racist, narcissistic and ignorant Nephilim - there might be quite a lot of those, yes, that couldn't be denied, but Alexander wasn't such an asshole. Sure, he wasn't perfect and had his prejudices thanks to his upbringing but he was trying to be better than that, wanted to be better, but he was still young and made stupid mistakes like the comment that Magnus overheard before.

Shadowhunters had to grow up too soon and, on one hand, Alec was expected to act like an adult at 18 years old and, on the other hand, sometimes he just felt like a lost child that had absolutely now clue what it was doing or how to do the things it was supposed to do. There was still so much left to learn and acting unoffensive towards Downworlders was certainly one of these things he had yet to master.

Of course, the apartment was still empty when they arrived and no sign of Izzy and Jace. Alec had no idea what he was supposed to do now, still alone with Magnus - small talk wasn't exactly an option when he didn't want to risk more accidental insults and the other didn't seem to keen on talking to him either, going by his snarky replies so far. Alexander just felt uneasy and like the biggest idiot because he usually wasn't this socially inept. He wasn't the talkative or overly-friendly type of person but he normally managed to hold a conversation without being perceived as a complete asshole. But they had been off to a bad start with his dumb comment and it proved to be difficult to get another chance with Magnus.

"Why don't you sit down, there's an armchair so you don't have to sit next to the Downworlder," Magnus pointed out after sitting down on the small couch and he pointed a finger with glittery nail polish at the armchair furthest away from the couch. Alec's shoulders slumped a little more because _he wasn't like that_ \- Magnus obviously thought he was a completely racist asshole and that couldn't be more wrong. He took only a split second to decide before pointedly walking towards the couch and slumping down next to the warlock. The space was small enough for their thighs to brush and Alexander thought about getting up again - personal space was a thing, dammit! - but he didn't want the other to perceive it wrong once again and therefore he stayed put.

Magnus was clearly surprised by this action, his glittery (of course) eyelids opening and closing a few times, before a breathed out in a low huff and shook his head ever so slightly. Alexander couldn't help but defensively cross his arms in front of his chest, staring at the side of the other's head.

"I'm not the way you make me out to be, you know. I realise I made one of the worst first impressions possible but that's not who I am," Alec started to explain himself after a few moments passed and Magnus glanced at him, scepticism clear in his eyes.

"What I said was stupid and I apolog--"

The opening door and the return of his siblings interrupted Alexander and he barely resisted glare and the other two, especially when he didn't get a chance to finish his apology because Jace and Izzy seemed to be fighting _yet again_. Alec should have known that they wouldn't manage to put their differences aside when left alone and that he should have gone with Jace instead.

"So, you got anything?" Alec asked loudly and his sister held up a hand in a silent "wait a sec" while telling Jace something about men and their superiority complex when losing against women. It was usually pretty amusing to watch Jace lose an argument against Isabelle, especially when it came to the independence of women, but right now they had work to do and all this fighter over Clary was a very annoying distraction.

"Polyamorous relationships are a thing, you know? Maybe that would solve whatever you have going on - if person number three is even interested in Jonas," Magnus commented drily and immediately had everyone's attention. Jace scrunched up his face in disgust.

"Izzy is my sister!"

"I didn't suggest you two hook up or whatever. I merely thought that both of you cold get involved with this other girl if she is interested in both of you," the warlock replied with an eye roll that looked almost painful and Alec squinted in confusion but chose not to ask about the morals behind that reasoning. He never had a relationship and therefore better kept his trap shut when it came to this topic.

"I don't want to _share_ Clary and of course she's into me, who wouldn't be?" Jace glared at Magnus but his gaze snapped to Isabelle when she failed to suppress a snicker.

"I'm pretty sure she's not into you. Clary likes you but not romantically and I know that because she told me that she feels awkward when you try to flirt with her." Isabelle's lips curled into a victorious little smirk and Alexander gave in to the urge to bury his face in his hands for a few seconds because this would just make the fight start all over again. As expected, their adopted brother was about to complain and disagree but Magnus snapped his fingers when Jace opened his mouth and there was absolutely no sound to be heard.

"Did you...did you just mute him?" Izzy asked with wide eyes and burst out laughing when the warlock nodded. Jace tried to speak but just looked like a fish out of water, mouth opening and closing without a single sound.

"Now, please, how about we get back to more important things? When the saner people in the room are done talking business, I'll un-mute you, don't worry." The last part was obviously directed at Jace who looked even angrier now and was a little red-faced but crossed his arms in front of his chest and leant against the wall next to the door to listen to the result of Alec's and Magnus's little trip. Izzy and Jace had no new discoveries to report and Alexander assumed they had spent more time fighting than actually looking for clues about the demon.

* * *

Alec didn't get a chance to finish what he was about to say before his siblings' interruption because Magnus left through a portal shortly after their exchange of new insights - he had some client he had to get to and promised to use the piece of fabric for tracking when he joined them again the next day. Izzy and Jace managed to refrain from fighting for the rest of the day but instead chose not to talk to each other at all and just glare whenever their eyes met.

Alexander felt weirdly exhausted after this day, even though he hadn't even done anything that should have caused him exhaustion, so he went to bed pretty early. Admittedly, he also chose to call it a night this early because he didn't have the nerve to be around his siblings for much longer with their constant glares and the almost palpable tension in the room. He really hoped for them to stop with this ridiculous fighting over some girl and returned back to normal behaviour soon.

Alec had disliked Clary from the very beginning but it got only worse when both his siblings started to show interest in the initially (and in Alec's eyes still) mundane girl. They had always been an amazing team, looked out for each other and had each other's back, without questions asked. But now...Alexander felt like he was right in the middle of their constant fighting, unable to choose a side because there was absolutely no reason for him to be forced to choose between them. Clary had divided their team over the course of a few weeks and with Valentine on the loose, threatening the whole shadow world and the mundane world alike, he felt more uneasy than ever with the people closest to him in a constant battle against each other.

He fell asleep with the worries about his siblings still clear on his mind and it kept him from getting a good night's sleep, left him tossing and turning until he woke up with the rising sun, feeling almost as exhausted as last evening. Alec chose to leave the small apartment for a little while because the other two were still asleep and Magnus probably wouldn't show up anytime soon either, he assumed. He needed a walk and some fresh air to clear his mind.

* * *

Alec entered the apartment about an hour later, slightly more relaxed from the walk but he immediately tensed up when he sensed a magical presence. Before he could even think of pulling out the smaller seraph blade hidden in his boot, he recognised Isabelle's voice and soft laughter, telling him there was no threat to be dealt with. He breathed out a sigh and closed the door with a soft click before facing the room where his sister was sat on the couch, Magnus in the armchair opposite to her, both with mugs of steaming liquid in their hands.

"Good morning, Alec," Izzy greeted him surprisingly cheerful and not with the sour face he had expected after the continued fighting with Jace the day before. But she was relaxed and in a good mood right now, obviously enjoying the warlock's company and Jace's absence. Alexander mumbled a "Mornin'" back to her and frowned, looking towards the door that led to his parabatai's room.

"Jace isn't up yet?" He wondered out loud and Jace was usually up pretty early as well. Earlier than him, actually. And he couldn't imagine the other would be still holed up in his room if he was up. An uneasy feeling started to settle in his stomach but he tried to ignore it for the time being.

"Not that I noticed, no," Isabelle replied with a shrug and she obviously didn't mind their brother's absence very much.

"But now that you're here, how about you go wake him up so Magnus can finally get to tracking the demon," she added with a gesture towards Jace's room. Alec rolled his eyes and was about to do just that anyway when he heard Magnus's confused little sound at Izzy's words.

"I already did the tracking last night and sent you a fire message with the result right after," the warlock said with a frown and they all knew that it was impossible for a fire message to get lost on its way, even if the destination was at the other end of the world. Especially one sent by a powerful warlock couldn't just vanish into thin air. Alec's eyes widened almost at the same time a muttered "Fuck" could be heard from Isabelle. She was up on her feet, the mug with coffee forgotten on the table, when Alec pushed open Jace's room, inwardly praying for his parabatai to be in his bed sleeping, even though he knew he would be greeted by the sight of a meticulously made bed.

"He's gone." Alec ignored the barely there hint of rising panic in his voice and pushed the feeling down as soon as it started to rise in his chest. He had to stay calm. He was the leader and responsible for this mission, for his siblings. Freaking out wouldn't solve anything!

"So either he woke up early and went for a walk as well or..."

"Or he saw the message, destroyed it after reading the information and went hunting down the demon by himself," Magnus continued Alec's sentence and the Shadowhunter barely managed not to flinch at the realisation that this was exactly what must have happened. Jace had always been way too reckless and this would be one more point on the long list of stupid things he ever did. Fuck.

"We have to go there _right now_. We don't know when he left but it must have been before I got up because I sure as hell didn't notice a message anywhere and he could be--he probably needs our help."

 _He could be dead already_. They all knew he had been about to say it but couldn't and nobody pointed it out. Izzy nodded with a worried expression while Magnus seemed completely unaffected - of course, why would he be affected by the disappearance of a guy he met yesterday and disliked instantly? - and the siblings quickly geared up, gathered their weapons and made sure they were ready for battle. Magnus took a last sip of his coffee, put the mug down with a wistful sigh, and got up from the couch to conjure a portal with a few elegant hand movements.

Purple mist emerged from the warlock's palms and fingers, gathering to a cloud almost as glittery looking as Magnus himself before the portal opened and all three of them stepped forward. The siblings shared a short glance, nodding to one another, and the warlock rolled his eyes at the dramatics before stepping into the portal first wth Izzy and Alec following close behind after quickly applying a soundless rune.

When they stepped through the portal and landed on the other side, at first it was almost completely dark around them but the nyx runes quickly did their jobs for the two Shadowhunters and a fraction of a second later they realised they were in some large warehouse. Alec had his bow equipped with the first arrow, ready to shoot whenever an enemy popped up but for now it was almost eerily silent. Isabelle exchanged her whip for a seraph blade and its glow lightened up the area around them at least a tiny bit.

The sibling exchanged a glance before they started moving ahead with Magnus by their sides and a moment later there was a sound ahead, in the darkness. But it didn't sound like a demon or approaching enemy, it sounded like wet, rattling breathing and Alec just _knew_. The parabatai bond had been weakened through mistakes on both their ends but he could still sense Jace and feel his pain even before he laid eyes on the other.

When Alexander stepped into the bigger, open section of the warehouse and saw a body curled up on the floor, a shock of blonde hair and a puddle of blood big enough to make panic rise in his chest, he didn't think about his next action. He dropped his guard, didn't pay attention to Izzy's shocked gasp or Magnus's "Wait" that was directed at him. Alec moved forward to get to Jace, make sure he was alive and enough so that he would survive his injuries.

 _Emotions cloud judgement_ was what their parents and every other Shadowhunter always said. They had to be in control of their emotions and stay focused on the job instead of acting rashly but seeing Jace like this - his parabatai, his best friend, the boy he lov... - it was too much and impossible to keep his feelings in check. Of course, it had been a trap and two steps away from Jace a wall of sounds erupted from all around, demons pouring in on the trio with hissing, growling noises.

Fortunately, Alec's reflexes kicked in immediately and he managed to shoot down the first demon that leapt at him. The second one was put down with a seraph blade through its chest but there was no time for Alexander to say his thanks to Isabelle for the help because he had to draw his own blade - the demons were way too many and too close for him to use his bow. From the corner of his eyes, he saw a few demons flying back from a purple-ish shockwave that reduced the demons to ashes before their bodies even hit the ground. There was no time to be in awe at Magnus's obvious power because Alexander had to focus on the fight and protecting Jace's seemingly lifeless body.

The fight seemed to go on forever and it felt like the incoming demons didn't lessen for quite a while but the last demon finally fell and Magnus was the only one who didn't have a single drop of ichor or blood stuck to him where the two Shadowhunters looked a little worse for wear. As soon as the last enemy dropped and turned to dust, returning to its dimension or hell or wherever it came from, Alec dropped to his knees by Jace's side. He didn't care that his trousers get drenched with his parabatai's blood when his slightly shake hands reached out to check Jace's pulse. At first, he couldn't find anything but then, very faint, he did feel the other's pulse but it was still no reason for relief because Jace was barely alive at this point.

"He's alive but not for long," Alexander breathed, voice thick with rising panic when he grabbed his stele to draw an iratze on Jace's skin even though he knew it wouldn't be powerful enough to heal the still bleeding wounds and probably broken bones his parabatai had suffered through the demons.

A surprisingly soft "Let me" pulled Alec out of his panicked thoughts of _I need to save him_ and then Magnus was next to him, softly turning Jace onto his back before his hands hovered over the hurt Shadowhunter's body, probably to assess the damage before a blue mist started to form between the warlock's palms and Jace's body to heal him. Alec bit his bottom lip and felt Isabelle's hand coming to rest on his shoulder, softly squeezing it to calm him down even though it didn't help at all seeing as his parabatai was badly wounded and might not survive.

"We need to get him out of here but he's not stable enough to move him. If I heal him enough I won't have enough energy left for a portal, though," Magnus said and of course, this wasn't an easy task to do, even for the High Warlock of Brooklyn.

"Can we do anything to help?" Alexander asked, anxious to help and do anything but sit there feeling useless while his parabatai was dying. The warlock glanced at him, thoughtful before he came to a decision and nodded.

"You're his parabatai, right? If I could use some of your energy to heal him I would have enough left of my own for a portal," Magnus said and Alexander nodded without hesitation. He would do whatever was necessary so save Jace! Alec frowned when the warlock offered his hand but realised that, of course, body contact was necessary for the other to draw from his energy. The thought of taking another guy's hand like this was more than weird and made him uncomfortable but a gentle nudge from Izzy at his shoulder made Alec unfreeze and reach out. He carefully wrapped his fingers around Magnus's smaller hand and kept his gaze on Jace when the warlock started to use their combined strength to heal the worst of the other's wounds.

Despite his worries about Jace and concentrating on the fact that the other was still unconscious and bleeding, Alec couldn't help but notice the warmth of Magnus's smaller but still strong hand. Not only was this observation very ill-timed but he immediately felt bad for the thoughts themselves as well - he shouldn't think about and notice what another man's hand felt like! Not when his parabatai was close to death right in front of him and not ever! He swallowed the sour taste in his throat and focused back on the situation at hand.

* * *

It felt like hours to Alexander until Magnus finally declared Jace healed enough to move him. He let go of their intertwined hand immediately and carefully picked his parabatai up with a little help from Isabelle because it wasn't exactly easy to lift someone who was unconscious and had barely any body tension. When he had Jace secure in his arms and stood up properly again, Magnus had already conjured a portal and he wasted no time stepping through it to find himself right in front of the steps to the institute.

Izzy walked past to push the doors open and Alec knew Magnus was close behind as well but he only paid attention to getting Jace inside and to the infirmary. He barely laid his adoptive brother down on one of the beds when the door was flung open again, one of the silent brothers entering with Maryse on his heels, her mouth pressed into a thin line and forehead showing lines from the way her eyebrows were drawn together.

"How did this happen?!" She asked in her usual commanding tone but Alec knew his mother well enough to pick up the slightest wavering in her voice, betraying the appearance of clinical indifference. Everyone knew Jace was her favourite son, even before Max, and it was bordering on ridiculous how she always tried to keep up the air of authority even in moments when she was nothing but a mother worried about her child's well-being.

"He tried to handle the job by himself and was attacked by lesser demons, presumably commanded by the target," Alexander immediately stepped up to her, towering over his mother despite his lowered head. He kept his hands behind his back, fingers wrapped around his wrist and spine straight, even though his shoulders were slumped and head bowed like in submission.

"How could he leave without you noticing? Where did he acquire the knowledge of the demon's whereabouts?"

"He must have left in the early morning, before Izzy and I got up," Alec replied and forced himself not to drop his voice because sounding small would mean sounding weak, which was an unacceptable trait for a Lightwood. He was the team leader, this was his fault and therefore his responsibility to own up to.

"We received the information about the demon's whereabouts from Magnus Bane and decided to head to the location in the morning," he added and purposefully left out that they only got the message about the whereabouts this morning and that Jace had been the one to find it. He might have been damn rude towards Magnus at first but he knew his mother would probably fault the warlock alongside him and despite the other being a Downworlder, he couldn't bring himself to throw him under the bus. Magnus had helped them despite his noticeable and probably justified aversion towards Shadowhunters and he wouldn't risk losing a powerful ally-of-sorts by putting the unfounded blame on him.

" _Why_ was this warlock involved and _why_ is this individual here?!" Maryse almost spat the word _warlock_ , like it left a disgusting taste in her mouth - like something foul and rotten. He could hear the huff of annoyance from Magnus's direction who had followed them inside and had a hushed conversation with the silent brother to inform him about the situation and usage of magic to heal Jace. Fortunately, Magnus didn't say anything about the obvious disgust directed at him and suddenly another female voice joined the conversation to answer the question.

"I asked Magnus Bane for help because not only was he able to help track down the demon but he's proficient in the German language as well, therefore capable of communicating with the latest victim which the local Shadowhunter assigned to the task was not cut out for because of his lack of knowledge of the English language. We needed someone to secure the communication on site and it seemed only rational to ask him for help because of the aforementioned capability of tracking down the target."

Alec turned around at the sound of Lydia's confident voice and he didn't have to look at his mother to know the anger seeping back into her whole posture. Ever since the Clave sent Lydia Branwell to take over the Institute, for the time being, not trusting the Lightwoods with the job anymore after a few incidences, Maryse had been wound up and more aggressive in the presence of the young woman. Alexander was honestly impressed how unaffected Lydia seemed by his mother's icy glares.

"If you'll excuse me, I have to get going and rest from the extensive use of magic to save this ill-mannered Nephilim's life and portalling him and your other spawns back to the institute. Also, my cat is much better company than you lot!" Magnus spoke up, directing his glare at Maryse who whipped her head back from Lydia to stare at the warlock instead. Magnus raised an unimpressed eyebrow and a flick of his wrist later a portal appeared in the middle of the infirmary and the dryly stated " _Auf Wiedersehen. Wobei ich auf Nimmerwiedersehen vorziehen würde_ " hung in the air for several more minutes after he disappeared through the portal that vanished right with him.

Alec had no clue what Magnus's words meant and he was surely not the only one in this room. Maryse looked like she was about to tear someone apart and strode towards the bed with Jace, every step resonating loudly in the room. He glanced at his mother, at his sister sitting close to the bed obviously trying to hold back tears and at Lydia, the only one returning his gaze with a worried but reassuring little smile in the corners of her mouth. Alexander gave her a curt nod before he walked past and left the infirmary. He knew there was nothing he could do here at the moment and he desperately needed to get out of his clothes that were drenched with ichor and Jace's blood. And he needed to finally apply an _iraze_ to heal his own wounds from the fight.

* * *

He woke up in the middle of the night, shaking and breathless from dreaming of the ground drenched in Jace's blood and his parabatai's heartbeat stopping under his hands. It hadn't been the first time Jace had acted on a stupid, self-sacrificing impulse and nearly got himself killed and Alec knew it wouldn't be the last time but it would always shake him to the core to realise it happened again, to realise Jace once again wanted to solve it by himself instead of relying on the help of his parabatai. They were linked, supposed to trust each other and have each other's backs but sometimes it felt like Jace drifted away to a place where Alexander wasn't able to follow or to pull him out of.

Alec pushed the covers aside and grabbed sweatpants and a pullover too big even for his wide shoulders, falling loosely around his torso and engulfing him in soft, comforting warmth. He used the sleeve to brush a bead of cold sweat off his forehead and left his room, quietly padding towards the infirmary on bare feet that felt like they were ice-cold when he finally nudged the door open without a sound.

Jace was asleep or still unconscious, he didn't know, but the other looked pale even against the white sheets and his hair was a mess on the pillow. His skin looked like it had an almost greyish tinge to it in the cool moonlight that poured in from the window, bathing the evenly breathing figure on the bed in an eery glow. Alec hated seeing Jace like this - his parabatai was always strong but when he was badly hurt he just looked so small and fragile, it made Alexander's heart ache with helplessness.

He reached out, fingertips brushing against the ashen skin of Jace's forehead that felt slightly cool to the touch. Alec sighed and part of him wanted to slap the other, wake him up and yell at him for yet again being a complete fool and almost uselessly throwing his life away for a mission once more but he didn't. He just stared at his parabatai with this uneasy restlessness in his chest, curling around his heart and suffocating it.

For some reason, his mind chose this moment to supply him with the memory of Magnus's hand in his, slender fingers wrapping around his larger hand and drawing the energy from his body in a not uncomfortable tingly feeling. Alec bit his lip and shook his head to get rid of the thoughts, taking another breath before turning around and leaving the infirmary, taking the feeling of having felt his parabatai once again with him.

He didn't get any sleep for the rest of the night and as soon as his parents got up with the sun in the early morning, he and Izzy had to listen to a lengthy lecture about being reckless and almost getting Jace killed - most of the blame was placed on Alec, though, and while he ducked his head and admitted failure, Isabelle tried to talk back and reason with their parents, make them see that they couldn't be held responsible for everything Jace did but especially Maryse wouldn't listen.

Breakfast was tense and even Max didn't fill the room with his usually cheerful chatter because he sensed the bad mood and his mother's anger. Alec barely ate and excused himself from the table as soon as possible, heading to the training room to hopefully get rid of the tension and guilt weighing heavily on his shoulders.

* * *

"Grab your gear, we're heading to Magnus."

Alec looked up from the book he was just reading, eyebrows raising in obvious scepticism at Izzy's words and there was absolutely no reason for them to head to the warlock, was there?

"And _why_ would we do that?" He asked with a frown, placing a piece of paper in between the pages to mark where he had left off reading. His sister rolled her eyes with a heavy, clearly annoyed sigh.

"Not only do we have to thank him for helping with Jace yesterday but we still have a demon to kill," she replied with a huff and crossed her arms in front of her chest, her gaze clearly daring Alec to object but he was honestly too tired to do so. Isabelle's expression shifted from determination to worry but he got up and grabbed his gear before she could ask if he was alright. Of course, he wasn't, but she was right - they had to get to the demon, now more than before, and maybe it would lighten his guilt as least a little bit.

"You know it wasn't your fault, right? Mum was wrong to put the blame on you. _We_ are not responsible for Jace's every move. _You_ are not responsible for everything he does. Just because you're his parabatai doesn't make you his babysitter. He always pulls shit like this and others are the ones getting scolded when _he_ is the one not sticking to the rules."

"Just...let's go, Izzy," Alec replied, not in the mood for this discussion and even though his sister was clearly displeased, she pressed her lips together and nodded shortly before leading the way down the hall, towards the elevator and the siblings exited the institute about five minutes later.

"Was this even approved?" Alec finally thought to ask halfway to their destination - he didn't even know where Magnus's place was but Isabelle seemed very sure of their way. She glanced at him and that was all he needed to answer the question. Alec sighed heavily. Why did he expect this to be by the book?

"They think we fucked this up and we're gonna show them that we're capable of doing our job," Izzy said with a little shrug and pointed at a building that looked pretty worn down but Alexander could sense the faint traces of magic clinging to the building and the surrounding atmosphere. It wasn't glamoured but magicked to look like some abandoned building and even the staircase fit the outer image perfectly. They walked up several flights of stairs until they came to a stop in front of a rusty looking door but this time it was just a glamour - it was actually a pretty modern looking door with a spy-hole and next to the doorbell was a sign with _High Warlock of Brooklyn_ in a loopy font. Even this nameplate seemed to sparkle.

Izzy pressed the doorbell and tapped her foot impatiently until the cover of the spy hole slid aside from the inside and they were met with greenish-golden eyes that resembled those of a cat. A deep sigh was followed by the cover falling back down and a clicking sound indicated the door being unlocked before it swung open in a weirdly dramatic manner. How could a door open _dramatically_? Alec resisted the urge to shake his head.

"Isabelle, darling, to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?" Magnus asked and he briefly glanced at Alec, nodding at him with a mumbled "Andy" to somewhat acknowledge his presence but he very deliberately used the wrong name like he had done before. Alexander got the feeling that the warlock tended to not address people by their right names if he disliked them or wanted to show that he couldn't be bothered learning their names because they weren't important enough. Admittedly, it worked very well. Alec felt even more uncomfortable and he was reminded that he still owed the other an apology for his shitty behaviour.

"We need you help again. But, more importantly, we also stopped by to personally thank you for your help. Jace wouldn't be alive right now if it wasn't for your help," Isabelle replied with an honest smile and Magnus rolled his eyes almost fondly before waving them inside.

"I appreciate your gratitude, my dear. And what may it be that you need my services for? Let me guess: it's still about the same mission and tracking down the demon?" Magnus assumed and sat down on an armchair, leg swung over the armrest and a glass with a blue-tinged liquid appearing in his hand out of thin air. Izzy sat down on the expensive looking leather couch while Alec decided to keep awkwardly standing in the background.

"Yes, we want to finish the mission and the demon has to pay for almost killing Jace," the young woman replied with a stern nod, fingers intertwined where her hands rested in her lap. Magnus hummed thoughtfully, eyes flickering to Alexander for a brief second before focusing back on Izzy.

"You do know hiring me isn't cheap, yes? I help your kind because I get paid, not out of the goodness of my heart," Magnus said, thoughtfully taking a sip of his drink and brushing a strand of pink streaked hair from his forehead, assessing the two Shadowhunters with his gold and glitter-framed eyes.

"If I remember correctly you once mentioned a certain necklace that belonged to you and is in our possession now?"

"Are you offering my own belongings in return for my services? Why would I agree to be paid with something I already own?"

Alec bit his tongue to keep himself for a snarky remark because the warlock was clearly playing with them and he was pretty sure it was because of his presence because Magnus couldn't stand him. Not that the warlock had any reason to like him after their disastrous start but it still seemed unfair to use that against them.

"Well, I don't think you can get your belongings back otherwise? At least not without stealing it from us," Izzy replied, unfazed, and Magnus actually chuckled at her boldness.

"You're so lucky that you're beautiful _and_ likeable, my dear Isabelle. This is an exception, though. Next time you need a favour, I want proper payment or there will be no deal," the warlock warned but his lips curled into the tiniest of smiles that he gracefully hid behind his cocktail glass, taking another sip of the unhealthy looking drink. Isabelle just smiled at Magnus, saying her thanks again and on one hand, Alec felt like he should really say a proper thank you as well but on the other hand, maybe it was better to not draw the warlock's attention back to his unwanted presence.

"Give me a few minutes to get ready and then we will go hunt down your demon," Magnus said after emptying his glass and making it disappear into thin are with a sparkly snap of his fingers. He got up from the armchair much more gracefully than anyone had the right to be and sauntered off into what presumably was his bedroom.

Alec breathed out softly and his shoulders relaxed when the other man had left the room but he tensed right up again when he felt something press against the side of his boot. He was this close to drawing his seraph blade but fortunately noticed just in time that the being pressed against the side of his foot was just a tiny kitten. Alec blinked in confusion before he remembered the warlock mentioning having a cat when he left the other day and he couldn't really resist to lean down and pick the small ball of fur up.

The kitten was so tiny, it fit into his large hand without any problems but it didn't seem to mind. It actually curled up in his palm, purring contentedly and even licking the pad of his thumb with the smallest sounding _meow_ Alec had ever heard. Izzy watched him in amusement and Alexander was about to caress the kitten's fluffy head with his other hand when Magnus returned. Alec froze for a second and kind of dropped the small animal onto the couch where the fall was cushioned by soft pillows.

"Did you just throw the Chairman?" Magnus asked in almost shocked disbelieve and Alec just stared at him wide-eyed, muttering an embarrassed "No" that sounded more like a question than a statement. By not wanting to fuck up even more, he actually managed to fuck up more, it seemed. Alec bit his bottom lip and ducked his head when Magnus simply glared at him in return before shaking his head and conjuring a portal, probably wondering why on earth he agreed to help them.

* * *

They ended up back in the warehouse where they had found Jace surrounded by demons a day earlier and Alec tried to ignore the uneasy feeling rising in his chest at the mere memory. Of course, they didn't head back here because there was a chance for the demon to still be around but Magnus needed the place to track they targeted demon and trace its steps. It took the warlock a little to figure out which remaining demonic energy belonged to the demon they were looking for but as soon as he did find it, it was only a matter of minutes for him to trace it back to its owner.

Demon's really seemed to have a thing for warehouses because tracking the demon lead them to yet another one of those. Magnus rolled his eyes at the fact and muttered something about demons not having any style before lazily using his magic to bust open a locked door at the side of the warehouse.

It didn't take too long for demons to attacked - as soon as the door clicked shut after them, there was a demon dropping down on them and only Izzy's quick reflexes and skills with her whip prevented the demon from actually hitting one of them. Magnus was able to fend off two other demons with his magic, sent them flying into a wall with enough force to crack their necks at the impact, while Alec sliced up a demon lunging at them from the side.

Soon after the two Shadowhunters were once again covered in ichor but at least the attack was a lot more manageable than the last one, with fewer demons and without the fear of having to save Jace clear on their minds. After getting rid of all the lesser demons, it suddenly became eerily quiet in the warehouse but all three could sense the presence of at least one more demon, stronger than the ones they faced so far, and with high probability the one they had been after all these days.

The attack came out of nowhere and was clearly directed at Magnus whose eyes widened when Alec stepped in front of him, seraph blade raised to his defence, without the tiniest bit of hesitation. He grit his teeth when the demon's sharp claws sliced his upper arm, digging into the flesh and warm blood rushing from the wound immediately but Alexander barely flinched, instead brought down his blade and cut deep into the attacker's side. The demon screeched in pain, backing off to get out of reach of the glowing weapon that burned its flesh.

"Warlock, why are you fighting with _them_? You are more alike to me than you will ever be to them," the demon spoke with a low, hissing voice and the red glow of its eyes was directed at Magnus who narrowed his eyes at the of sulphur stinking being.

"You're right, I'm not like them but I'm certainly not like you either," Magnus replied, clearly unimpressed and unbothered by the demon's ridiculous attempt to make him switch sides. He rather sided with the Nephilim than ever considering fighting for or with any kind of demon. Magnus may be part demon himself but he had stopped consider himself one of these monsters about two centuries ago. Or maybe it was just one.

The demon sneered at Magnus before lunging at him once more but this time, the warlock was prepared for the attack and even before he was in the demon's reach, it's chest was hit by a purplish-blue ball of magical energy, thrusting it back several meters and crash into a metal shelf. Isabelle's whip immediately wrapped around the cursing demon, keeping it in place and immobilising it as much as possible.

If Jace were here, he would probably have some kind of witty remark, some last line to say to the demon before slitting its throat. But Jace was still badly hurt in the infirmary at the institute and Alec hat neither the patience nor creativity to come up with anything. So he simply walked up to the cursing, ichor spitting demon and drove the seraph blade down, slicing through the hellish being in a smooth movement and the ichor barely splattered to the ground before the demon vanished into nothing.

* * *

"Thank you."

Alec looked up in surprise when he realised Magnus was addressing him and his expression must have given away the fact that he hadn't expected any thanks from the other man because Magnus rolled his eyes with a soft huff.

"You stepped in front of me when the demon attacked. So, thank you for that," Magnus repeated, slowly, as if Alec was unable to get what he was referring to.

"It's my job," he replied after a brief moment of stunned silence and Magnus shook his head with a sigh, pointing at his couch in a silent demand for him to sit down. They had portalled back to Magnus's loft about ten minutes earlier and Izzy was currently in the bathroom, trying to get rid of the ichor clinging to her skin.

"Just say _you're welcome_ like anyone else would." Magnus shook his head like he couldn't believe Alec's obvious lack of social skills, before taking a close look at the claw wound the other had received while protecting him from the demon's attack. Alec had already applied an _iraze_ to fasten up the healing process but he was still unusually pale and it wasn't hard to guess that he had demon poison in his system.

"You're poisoned, the rune won't help too much with that. Wait here, I should have everything around to mix a potion and fix you up."

Before Alec had the chance to reply or say that he was fine - he did feel quite dizzy but that wouldn't stop him from pretending it was nothing - Magnus had already turned around and left the room. He leant back on the surprisingly comfy leather couch and the tension from the fight seeped out of his body while the _iraze_ at least helped soothe the pain and reduce the sharp stinging in his upper arm to more of a dull throbbing.

Alec didn't even realise his eyes fell shut until he felt a light weight on his thigh that caused him to open them again. He blinked down at the moving ball of fur clumsily climbing into his lap and it took his hazy mind a few seconds to recognise Magnus's kitten. _Chairman_ , his brain supplied. What a weird name for a cat...

"For some reason he seems to like you, despite you throwing him around earlier," Magnus's voice caught his attention and Alexander tilted his head upwards lazily, trying to fight the heavy and hazy feeling caused by the demon venom coursing through his veins.

"I--I didn't--" Even speaking was a way too exhausting thing to do at this point and for some reason, Magnus seemed almost amused at his useless attempt of a justification. He offered Alec a teacup with something that looked and smelled herbal but when he wanted to reach for it, he almost knocked it out of Magnus's hand with his poison-affected coordination.

The other man raised an unimpressed eyebrow after saving the cup from crashing to the floor and he even managed to not let any of the content spill. Instead of handing it to Alec again, Magnus simply moved close to softly press the cool, thin rim of the cup to Alec's bottom lip and help him drink the unexpectedly bitter, sour tasting liquid. Alexander grim asked at the horrible taste but somehow managed to gulp all of it down, though, he couldn't stop a tiny disgusted noise from escaping his lips when Magnus drew the now empty cup back.

"Only the truly disgusting medicine is the one that really helps," Magnus grinned and seemed way too delighted about Alec's suffering. His attempt to glare at the man probably failed spectacularly, judging by Magnus's grin widening even more and before he was able to make another awkward attempt to speak through the haze of being poisoned, his eyelids drooped and he was unconscious even before he sunk back into the ridiculous amount of cushions that littered the fancy leather couch.

* * *

When Alexander woke up again, it had been in his own bed and he had been completed disoriented because for a second he thought it had all just been a dream. But the not completely healed wound and soreness from the demon venom told him otherwise. Izzy told him later that Magnus had portalled them back to the Institute and basically magicked him in his own bed, which somehow led to Alec now having the other man's phone number he had asked his sister for so he could thank Magnus.

Well, his thanks was basically just a not very eloquent "Thank you for your help" text and he sighed at the replied "Via text? Reall, Alfonso?" So, Magnus was still doing the name thing, it seemed. Alec doubted he would ever get to hear his real name from the other man's lips and he couldn't even say why this fact honestly bothered him. He shouldn't care if _some warlock_ addressed him by his name or not!

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face, and silently berated himself for always ending up using this term for the other. Maybe if Alec changed his thinking, stopped addressing Magnus with _warlock_ in his mind, he could also show his acceptance of Downworlders on the outside? This whole _we_ and _them_ thinking was kind of ridiculous, he had to admit. It was just hard to get rid of it when it was basically ingrained in his mind growing up a Shadowhunter.

"We're kind of racist, aren't we?" He asked no one in particular and four heads turned towards him. Right, he kind of forgot he wasn't alone with his siblings. Alec coughed softly, feeling uneasy with the sudden attention.

"What got into you?" Jace asked with a frown. It had been two days since the incident with the demons and he still looked pretty pale and would need at least the rest of the week to get out of the infirmary but at least Jace had enough energy to put on his judgmental face so that was a good sign.

"And who do you mean _we_?" Clary added, her head tilted in confusion and Alec almost rolled his eyes as the look his sister shot the redhead, clearly smitten with the girl.

"I mean _us_ ," he gestured widely at all of them and the empty room, "we, the Shadowhunters."

"You're not wrong, most are, but where did that come from all of a sudden?"

Alexander glanced at Lydia who was the only one not looking at him like he was about to loose his mind. She looked at him almost fondly, with an amused but sincere smile curling the corners of her mouth upwards and Alec ignored the fact, that a beautiful woman looking at him like this should probably do _something_ to him but as usual, he felt nothing but platonic affection towards the young woman.

It had been weird at first when Lydia arrived at the institute to take the lead in the Clave's order and it was like they had to dislike her for taking over their parents' jobs but Izzy had befriended Lydia pretty quickly and even Alec hadn't been able to dislike her for too long. He still kind of disliked Clary, very much so, but Lydia, _her_ he liked. Lydia wasn't just a pretty face and pawn of the Clave as initially expected. She was fierce, an impressive fighter with a bright mind and her own head. Lydia wasn't here to ruin anyone's lives or reputations but to help rebuild the trust that had been damaged.

"I don't really know. I have just been thinking a lot lately and I guess I never quite realised this, you know?"

Lydia nodded with a smile and got up from the chair next to Jace's bed, opposite to where Izzy and Clary sat - to Jace's obvious disapproval. She walked up to Alec who had decided to spend his visit in the infirmary leant against the wall, arms crossed over his chest.

"Would you come with me for a bit?" Lydia asked with a kind smile, fingers brushing Alec's lower arm in a silent prompt to agree. He frowned in confusion but nodded anyway, felt the other's eyes follow them when they walked out of the room. The door softly clicked shut behind them and Alexander took a deeper breath than really necessary, fingers fiddling with the slightly too long sleeved of his worn sweater.

"May I ask what it is, that got you thinking? Or... _who_?"

Alec blinked. Once. Twice.

"Huh?" He replied not so eloquently but by now everyone knew he wasn't exactly the best guy for conversations. At least not when you expected more intelligent, thoughtful answers.

"Izzy told me about you and Magnus," Lydia offered - even though Alec didn't even know what she was offering with this statement - while they walked down the hallway side by side.

"What is there to tell? I made the worst first impression and he hates me; that's pretty reasonable, I guess." Alec shrugged and it really wasn't that big of a deal so he didn't know why Lydia even brought it up. They usually didn't work together with Downworlders that often so the chance of having to work with Magnus again was probably rather slim.

"I assume that's what got you thinking about our behaviour, though?" Lydia asked and Alec replied with another shrug.

"I guess? Why does that even matter?"

"It probably doesn't to anyone else but, honestly, I'm still trying to figure you out and ever since I've been here you never really seemed to think about such things; most of us don't because we're trained this way. We grow up not questioning our behaviour towards others and with the thinking that we're somewhat better than anyone else," Lydia replied with a wistful little sigh.

"I know your little group - you, Izzy, Cary and even Jace - are different in your thinking but you still follow orders without question. When you brought Jace here after the mission and Maryse acted so high and mighty towards Magnus...I know you didn't like the way she acted, I could see it in your face," she continued and Alec was honestly surprised because, yes, he had felt bad about the way his mother had acted towards Magnus because he had saved Jace's life and didn't deserve being treated like that.

"Because it was wrong, yes. Magnus helped us, he _saved_ Jace's life, and she treated him like--like---like we probably always treated Downworlders," Alexander's realised with a low voice and his shoulder slumped a little. Admittedly, it had been the first time he had worked side by side with a Downworlder and for some reason it had always seemed normal to him, the way his mother and others talked about _them_.

Seeing the way Magnus acted, the weariness he showed towards Shadowhunters because he was probably used to being treated like a lesser being and gave up on expecting anything else, but he still hadn't hesitated a second when Jace lay there in his own blood. It didn't seem like he only helped because it might have been the right thing to do or because he had been their ally for this mission, but because another being had been badly hurt and depended on him.

Maryse had acted like Magnus might be worth putting up the wards at the institute but other than that he clearly wasn't welcome here in her eyes. She didn't even have a word of thanks for Magnus after saving Jace's life but basically threw him out.

Alec was mad at himself that it had taken him this long to realise that this was not right. Shadowhunters, Downworlders and Mundanes might all be different but none of them were worth more through blood or special powers. When it came down to it, each and every one of them was part mundane, _human_ , and that should also be the part that counted. Nobody should be initially judged by their other part and treated as equal until proven unworthy of such respect. Nobody was good or bad by blood.

* * *

They somehow ended up leaving the institute and taking a walk, talking for quite a long time and Alec was more than surprised to learn about the reason for Lydia's interest in his change of heart when it came to the subject of Downworlders. Several years ago, Lydia had been in a happy relationship and her boyfriend had proposed to her but everything went downhill from there because her lover had been a Downworlder - he had Seelie blood, at least, and that basically already made him a Downworlder, even though he had been one of their own, a Shadowhunters able to bear runes.

Many hadn't been too happy about the announcement of their engagement and a few weeks later Lydia's fiancé had died on a mission. It had been an accident, sure, but Lydia was convicted her lover would probably still be alive had he been a _true_ Shadowhunter and Alec didn't find it in himself to argue against this logic. Of course, they didn't know and nobody would actually admit not putting as much effort into saving a life they didn't deem worthy enough but still, it was a possibility and that realisation alone was simply horrible.

Alec felt like a complete idiot about the fact that he never stopped to really think about their actions and the mindset they were raised with but now that he did, he tasted something akin to acid in the back of his throat and even more determination to change his thought process towards every being that wasn't a Shadowhunter.

* * *

His eyes fluttered open with a pained groan, headaches pounding against his skull like they wanted to crack the bones and almost every limb throbbing in the exact same beat.

"Alexander?"

The voice was muffled by the sound of his blood rushing through his veins and his heart pumping faster in an attempt to somehow get the energy to move back into his body. Ever muscle screamed for him to move, to open his eyes and figure out what the hell was going on but that was easier said than done when your whole body felt like it was made of lead, weighing itself down.

"Alexander, are you awake?" The voice asked again, still sounding like a thick wall of cotton was drawn up between him and the owner of the voice. It sounded a little rough, throaty almost, but it was without a doubt a male voice but Alec was pretty it wasn't Jace's. Also, his parabatai would never call him by his full name so it couldn't be anyone close to him.

He groaned again and tried to move, slowly turning around despite every fibre in his body aching with the movement. It felt like his stomach turned around as well and he paused to avoid throwing up before he slowly dared glance at his surroundings. Well, there wasn't exactly much to look at because it was almost completely dark but after a moment his eyes adjusted a little and he could see the outlines of a figure leaning against the wall maybe two metres away from him in the pretty small room they were probably trapped in.

"Are you badly injured?" The other person spoke again and Alec squinted uselessly into the darkness but his brain slowly caught up and he started to realise who was talking to him.

"Magnus? What happened??" Alec winced at the croaky sound of his own voice and he needed three attempts to push himself into a sitting position, hurting limbs protesting against the movement but he sat up anyway to feel less vulnerable. He couldn't remember what was going on and how they ended up in this situation but his instincts told him this was very far from good.

"Valentine tried to attack the institute. I was just working at strengthening the wards some more when it happened. I made the mistake of trying to help but when I went outside there were so many demons and my magic was already weakened," Magnus explained in an unusually small sounding voice and Alec wished for his stele so he could activate his nyx rune and be able to see properly, see if the other was hurt, and to heal himself so the pain didn't interfere with thinking straight anymore.

"They didn't breach the wards, as far as I know," Magnus added in a soothing voice as if that was a more important fact for Alec than a warlock's wellbeing. He probably really thought this way. Naturally, Alexander was relieved to hear about the wards withstanding the attack but that wasn't his only worry.

"Are you hurt??"

A small, surprised noise could be heard from Magnus's direction at this question and Alec tried to ignore the sting he felt because he knew this reaction was his fault - not only his but the fault of his kind.

"Valentine's demons aren't exactly gentle with their prisoners, as you may have experienced first hand," he finally answered rather drily and, sure, the question had probably been a stupid one but this really wasn't the time. Alec sighed, slightly annoyed, and Magnus seemed to pick up on it.

"It's nothing major. Nothing deadly, anyway," Magnus added and Alec could imagine him doing some elegant, dismissive gesture with his hand but he couldn't see enough to know if it really happened.

"What about you?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm not bleeding, aside from a few smaller cuts here and there. Everything hurts, my head especially so I supposed I got knocked out. _Nothing deadly_ , fortunately," Alec couldn't help but repeat Magnus's wording and let his head sink back against the cool brick wall of their tiny prison, taking a few deep breath in hopes to clear his mind and fight back the throbbing pain.

"I could heal some of the pain," Magnus offered a few heartbeats later and hearing these words felt absolutely odd to Alec, considering the fact that the other couldn't even stand him but still offered his help when it wasn't strictly necessary. Last time Magnus healed him, he had been pretty badly hurt and _poisoned_ , there had basically been no other choice but help him.

"It's okay. You shouldn't waste your energy," Alec replied, dismissive, and Magnus must have been weakened already after strengthening the wards at the institute and then fighting against demons. He didn't want to be the cause for the other to use up even more of his magic and he really didn't feel like he deserved being relieved of the pain anyway. He heard Magnus's sigh in response to his words but before the other could speak up, a rattling could be heard from the door and, ignoring the pain, Alec was up on his feet in a split second.

"You're awake, good. I know this might not be the fanciest accommodation but I hope you will enjoy your stay anyway," Valentine's icy voice cut through the darkness, now illuminated by a slim, artificial ray of light from the open door. Alec squinted, his eyes needing a few seconds to get used to the light again, and he fought back the urge to just lunge himself at the former Shadowhunter. But he saw a few demonic shapes in the narrow hallway that led to their room and he knew a weakened warlock and hurt Shadowhunters wouldn't be a match for these creatures anyway, even if he did manage to knock Valentine out. This wasn't the moment for stupid, thoughtless attacks.

"Why do you keep us imprisoned?" Alec couldn't help but ask because he couldn't think of a reason for their enemy to make them prisoners - Valentine killed without batting an eye, even Shadowhunters, so why not kill them. Of course, he didn't expect Valentine to answer and was met with a humourless laugh from the man.

"You have a lot to learn, boy, it's almost sad you won't get the chance," Valentine replied dryly before turning around and shutting the door again, the sound echoing in the tiny, empty room and reminding Alec of the pounding headache that seemed to be spurred on even more by the harsh noise. He pressed his lips together, swallowing a groan of pain and sinking back to the floor, his back sliding against the rough wall in the process.

"Let me help with the pain. It's no use if both of us are weakened," Magnus's voice cut through the heavy silence that fell upon them after Valentine had left them in the darkness and only the fact that the other sounded so close made Alec aware that they were basically sitting next to each other now. He shook his head tiredly before remembering that Magnus couldn't see the motion.

"No," he denied the help once more and sighed heavily, head sinking back against the wall and eyelids fluttering closed in exhaustion. He was a warrior, a leader, but he couldn't think of anything to get them out of this predicament and Alec couldn't help but feel utterly useless.

"I know I'm _just_ a Downworlder but let me--"

"You seriously think this about me not accepting the help of _a Downworlder_? Are you kidding me?! You are already weakened and if you waste more magic on me you will be even more vulnerable. I don't accept your help because I don't want to be the reason you won't be able to really defend yourself if need be," Alec interrupted almost harshly and his eyebrows drew together in an annoyed frown. He was not in the mood to start _this_ discussion now.

"I appreciate the consideration but you being in a better condition to fight would be more of an advantage than both of us being unable to defend ourselves properly."

"I don't think of Downworlders as lesser beings, you know," Alec mentioned without paying attention to Magnus's logical reasoning. Part of him knew the other was right, that he should give in and accept the help because it would be better for both of them, but he couldn't bring himself to.

"I don't think this is the time to discuss--"

"I think it's the perfect time for this discussion," he interrupted Magnus again and ignored the other's frustrated little noise at his stubbornness.

"We obviously don't have anything better to do anyway and I couldn't finish my apology properly when we were in Germany."

Magnus made a surprised little sound in the back of his throat but kept silent, offering Alec the chance to voice his thoughts without interruption.

"I never intended to be rude and insult you. I know my words were degrading and I feel horrible for admitting that back then I did mean what I said but that's not the case anymore. I grew up surrounded by Shadowhunters acting this way and never stopped to think about it, instead started to think and behaved the same way. I realise a simple sorry doesn't erase any of it but it's a start."

"You're full of surprises, Alexander Lightwood," Magnus replied, surprise clear in his words and Alec honestly felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth.

"I'm sincerely sorry for the way I acted towards you," he added and jumped a little when he felt fingertips connecting with his lower arm, brushing his slightly cool skin where the sleeve of his jacket was still pushed up, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

"I accept your apology but only if you accept my help," Magnus answered and Alec almost gave in to the urge to huff out a laugh because _of course_ the other would say something like this. He tried to ignore the weird tingly feeling Magnus's touch caused and he was surprised to feel himself relax under the soft press of fingertips.

"Let me help you, Alexander," the other repeated, gently urging him to give in, and Alec breathed out a soft "Okay" after a few heartbeats.

"Where do you feel the worst pain? I need to touch the body part to take the pain away," Magnus said with the unspoken question if that would be okay with him. Alec nodded despite the knowledge of the other not being able to see the motion but also made an affirmative noise. He lifted his hand to place it on top of Magnus's, wrapping his fingers around it carefully to lift the other's hand and guided it to is head in a silent answer to _where_ the pain relief was needed.

Magnus's fingertips brushed the skin at his temple when Alec let go of the other's hand and he had to suppress a shiver when the touch moved across his forehead before moving back and burying into the hair at the side so the whole hand ended up cupping his head gently. It felt weird, being touched like this, but Alec's mind supplied that it wasn't an uncomfortable kind of weird.

Despite the whole situation they were stuck in he was almost completely relaxed even before he felt the warmth of Magnus's magic radiating off his hand and he tried to ignore the small voice in the back of his head telling him that he actually _enjoyed_ this moment in a weird way. The soothing feeling of Magnus's magic spreading through his head, wrapping around the throbbing pain like some kind of blanket, lessening the intensity of the uncomfortable feeling, also managed to keep the guilt about kind of liking the touch at bay.

Alec had known he was gay ever since Jace had joined their family or maybe half a year later when he had developed this ridiculous crush on his adopted brother and ever since he had figured out why he never understood such feelings towards girls because he felt this way about other boys, he had tried to bury this knowledge as deep in his mind as humanly possible. Izzy probably knew about it anyway because she had always been able to read him like a book but fortunately, she never asked him about it.

He didn't want to be like _this_ , he didn't want to enjoy another man's touch this way and he had tried to view women differently than he had done by now but it simply wouldn't work. He had someone like Lydia right in front of his nose - intelligent, strong, confident and absolutely drop dead gorgeous - but he couldn't find an ounce of romantic interest in himself when he looked at her. It was frustrating, really, because he badly wanted to make himself feel this way about the right gender, about the gender he was supposed to feel something for. But he couldn't just switch off his "gayness" and just be straight; sadly, it wasn't that simple.

Alec sighed and softly pulled back when the pain in his head was nothing but a dull, mildly annoying feeling anymore and he mumbled a "Thanks" to Magnus. It felt so much better to have the worst of the pain gone but that also meant his mind now had the opportunity to take off in the wrong direction again without being blocked from it by the stinging ache that had pulled at the nerve endings of his brain before.

"Are you alright?" Magnus asked, voice surprisingly soft and Alec could feel the other's hand hovering close to his lower arm - close enough for Alexander to feel his warmth but not yet touching.

"The pain is mostly gone, yeah," he replied with a useless, faked little smile that Magnus couldn't see in this darkness anyway. Alec didn't know why he made the effort of pulling the corners of his mouth upwards but it had just happened.

"That's not what I meant."

"Well, we were kidnapped by Valentine and now stuck in a tiny, pitch black room, probably about to get killed soon...I don't think _alright_ is the word I'd use for this whole situation," Alec said with a little shrug, lower arm brushing the tips of Magnus's fingers in the process, and for some reason, he knew that this wasn't was Magnus meant either. But the other hummed in frustrated agreement and didn't add anything or rephrase his question and Alec was more than glad about it.

"We will get out of here. I'm sure your siblings are already searching for you," Magnus commented with a soft, soothing voice and his fingertips deliberately brushed the skin of Alec's lower arm now but the touch still felt kind of tentative, as if the other wasn't sure if this closeness was welcome and as if he was waiting for Alexander to stop him. Alec knew he should intervene and prevent something like _this_ from happening but he was tired and exhausted, he was stuck in a small, dark room and felt a little cold so it was probably only human to crave the comforting warmth of another body. It had nothing to do with the fact that said body was male or that it was Magnus - at least that's what he told himself, forced himself to believe.

Alexander let his head drop back, softly resting against the wall and his eyes fluttered close with a sigh that was pulled from deep within his chest. Sometimes he was so tired of being a warrior, of always sticking to the rules and putting himself second to his duties.

Because he hadn't signalled Magnus to back off, the other's fingers kept on feathering over his skin, drawing small circles on his lower arm and the innocent touch was weirdly relaxing. Another sigh, this time almost relishing sounding, slipped from Alec's lips and he couldn't even find it in himself to care because he felt the exhaustion pulling on his consciousness, weighing his closed eyelids down enough to prevent him from opening them again soon and for some reason Alexander gave in to the pull, let himself slip into a restless sleep.

* * *

Magnus woke him up again right before Valentines's next visit and besides talking more self-aggrandizing shit he also brought them something to eat and some water. Well, one of his dutiful minions brought the food and water. Alec was sceptical at first and didn't want to touch any of the food but Magnus checked it with his magic and made sure that nothing was poisoned or in any other way dangerous to them before he persuaded Alexander that they both needed the energy and they couldn't just not eat because they didn't know for how long they would be locked up in here.

They ate in silence and Alec somehow managed it to sneak more of the food and water to Magnus - the other needed it more than him after using so much of his magic to heal Alexander earlier.

"I have to admit, you're not such a bad guy," Magnus said after they finished their sparse meal and they had leant back against the wall again, sitting close enough that their shoulders almost touched. Alec couldn't help but snort softly at this statement and turned his head, even though it was close to impossible to see Magnus's face.

"I'm not?"

"I believe I just said so. Are you fishing for compliments now, Alexander?"

He could hear Magnus's grin in the tone of his voice and for some reason this sound made something warm unfurl in his chest. A similar feeling to the one Jace had caused quite often over the years but it was still vastly different in a way. It was confusing, to say the least, and Alec had no idea where this emotion suddenly came from but it was soothing and disconcerting all at once. It was good to know someone else than Jace - whom he wasn't allowed to feel about _this way_ for different reasons - could provoke this sensation but it was worrisome that it was once again a guy. Alexander would never let go of the hope and wish to someday feel this way towards a woman, _like he was supposed to_ , but it didn't seem like this might happen anytime soon. Or ever.

"I can almost hear your brain working. What's going on in that pretty head of yours?" Magnus's voice interrupted his stumbling thoughts and caused them to come to an abrupt stop because of the compliment smoothly weaved into the other's question. _Pretty?_ Alec's heart stumbled at the next beat, tried to get back into a calm rhythm but couldn't seem to keep on beating calmly again after the unexpected way that Magnus addressed him now, after always being understandably weary in his presence.

"Uh...w-what?" Alec stuttered and it was embarrassing how one simple word managed to tip his thoughts over and make him lose track of what the actual question directed at him had been.

"You seemed lost in your thoughts and I was wondering what it is that you're racking your brain over," Magnus explained calmly and he didn't point out Alec's slightly odd reaction even though he surely noticed it. Alexander took a breath and shook his head slightly as if to clear his thoughts from the fog of confusion.

"I was just wondering if the others will be able to find us or if there's a way for us to get out of here on our own," he lied and hoped that it sounded genuine enough so that the other didn't question the truth behind his words. It seemed natural that he was thinking about just this, though, and not having the probably hundredth sexuality and/or identity crisis of his young life.

"We will get out of here, whichever way presents itself to us," Magnus answered and he sounded so sure of his words that Alec didn't have any other chance than believe him. Alexander wasn't used to sitting around and waiting to be rescued and this whole situation caused one uneasy feeling after the other to rise in his chest.

Alec only hummed softly in return and he heard Magnus move, knew what he was about to do, even before he felt the careful brush of fingertips against the skin of his lower arm. He couldn't avoid that the air escaped his lungs in a sigh and that his body leant into the touch all by itself. He knew he should pull back and prevent whatever was blooming between them from happening but being close to Magnus and feeling his tentative touch was the only good thing, the only comfort, in this situation.

Alexander turned his head a little after a while and froze because the feeling of warm breath fanning over his face made him realise how close they were and that there were probably only a few inches left until...until...This shouldn't be happening and a voice in the back of his mind, that sounded awfully close to his mother's, yelled at him to stop this and not let this go any further. But curiosity and the unfamiliar fear caused by the helplessness of the situation got the better of him and Alec leant in, closer until he felt a gentle hand coming to rest on his chest and slowly moving upwards. His breath hitched when Magnus's fingertips brushed his neck before cupping his jaw, gently tilting his head a little.

It was so dark that Alec didn't even realise his eyelids had fluttered shut and when he heard, felt even, his name breathed against his lips, he couldn't stop himself from closing the remaining gap between their faces. The first contact of their lips was clumsy and not exactly gentle because Magnus had been even closer than anticipated and Alexander was tempted to pull back, embarrassed by his unskillful attempt of a first kiss, but the other's hand travelled to the back of his head and drew him in further. Magnus tilted his head a little and the different angle made their lips glide together much more smoothly.

Alec inhaled through his nose and his shaky fingers balled into fists, afraid to reach out and establishing even more points of contact between their bodies. His thoughts were a thrumming mess and the voice in the back of his head had finally stopped screaming at him, making the situation feel less of a mistake for the time being.

He didn't know what he expected from a kiss or, more precisely, from kissing a guy but it hadn't been the softness of Magnus's lips. He had thought a man's lips must be somewhat rough but that was probably ridiculous. The other used make-up, of course, his lips would be smooth and soft. Alec pressed a little closer, trying to memorise the feeling and shape of the other's lips against his while his heartbeat hammered in his chest, almost jumping up to his throat and sending nervous tingles to every nerve-ending in his body.

Just when he felt the tip of Magnus's tongue tentatively tracing his lips and nudging them softly, there was a sound in the hallway outside of their cell and it caused Alec to jerk back and end the kiss as suddenly as it had started. He felt dizzy and a little breathless, trying to get a grip on his hammering heartbeat und pulse.

"Alexander, we should--" Magnus was interrupted by another sound right outside their door, this time and a few seconds later there was a small explosion and Alec guarded his face with his arm while instinctively leaning close to Magnus to protect him from the unexpected blow.

"Alec, thank the Angel, we found you."

He blinked a few times and looked up but the light from the hallway seemed too bright after being enveloped in almost complete darkness for quite a long time so it took his eyes a while to get used to the light and see Isabelle standing in the doorway, even though he had already recognised her voice as soon as she spoke.

"Are you two okay? Can you get up?" She wanted to know and knelt down so only now did Alec notice his sister wasn't alone but Lydia was with her, standing further back in the hallway to make sure none of Valentine's minions could surprise them with an attack. Izzy grabbed his hand, searching his face and Alexander was about to say that he was fine but Magnus cut in with the information that Alec had been hurt and he had healed most of it with his magic but not all. That was enough for Izzy to grab her stele and expertly trace and iratze on his skin. Alec bit his lip at the familiar burn and then it took only a fraction of a second until he felt better again, the last throbbing bits of pain vanishing from his limbs and head.

"What about you, Magnus, are you okay?" Isabelle asked the other as soon as her brother was taken care of.

"A little weak but I'll be okay, don't worry. We should get out of here now," Magnus replied and all three of them got up. Izzy grabbed one of her seraph blades and handed it to Alec who took it gratefully, relieved to finally have a weapon on him again. He glanced shortly at Magnus but avoided meeting the other's eyes when he felt heat rush to his face at the memory of what had happened just a few minutes prior to their rescue. He pushed the lingering feeling of soft lips on his to the back of his mind, ignored the heavy feeling in his chest that came along with his decision to forget about it, and then followed Lydia's lead to get them out of here.

* * *

Of course, Isabelle and Lydia hadn't come alone to their rescue but with several other Shadowhunters in tow and they had somehow managed to convince Jace to stay back because he was still recovering from his injuries, even though that wouldn't have kept him from rescuing his parabatai. They had been in an old building close to the docks for cargo ship in an abandoned industrial district and the water had been to blame for the fact that tracking Alec's whereabouts had taken a little longer because it had disrupted the tracking magic.

Valentine was nowhere to be found and only a hand full of his minions and a few demons had been around so it seemed like he might have planned for them to be found or something had gone wrong but Alec tried to not dwell on in and instead be glad to be out of there. Isabelle had decided to accompany the still weakened Magnus back to his place since Alexander headed back to the institute with Lydia by his side while the other Shadowhunters stayed a little longer to search for clues. Alec hadn't managed to look at Magnus once since their rescue because he was afraid of the memories that would pop up and he really couldn't deal with what had happened between them.

"You should check in with your parents and then lie down, you're still really pale," Lydia suggested when they stepped out of the elevator back in the institute and he only hummed in reply, too stuck in his own head to pay much attention to what was being said. The young woman glanced at him quizzically, worried, but sighed and decided let it rest for now.

Alec didn't go to check in with his parents and he was sure Izzy would tell them about him being back in one piece anyway. He was way too exhausted and wound up to talk to anyone so he simply went to his room, stripped to his boxer briefs and curled up in the familiar softness of his bed. With the blanket pulled over his head and eyes squeezed shut, the memories of the time in Valentine's captivity and especially the moment where he had gotten way too close to Magnus immediately flooded back. Alexander could still almost taste the other when he licked his lips and his heart rate spiked in panic at the realisation that not only had he enjoyed the kiss, he longed to repeat it.

He bit his bottom lip with a frustrated sound and pushed the thoughts away, tried to momentarily delete the knowledge of Magnus's existence from his mind so that he could relax and find some peace but it felt like an impossible task. Magnus was not someone you could just push out of your thoughts because he had such a captivating attitude and beauty. Alec barely knew the guy but he felt already drawn to Magnus in a way that scared him more than any enemy ever could.

Alexander had always hated himself for the feelings he had for Jace because not only were they parabatai but they were brothers and it didn't matter that they weren't blood-related because they were still siblings and he shouldn't feel this way about the other. He still carried a part of these feelings around, clawed into his heart, but it had gotten easier over time and now he fucked it up again or even more by developing feelings for a warlock. His mother would have his head if she ever found out.

Maryse's priority had always been the job and to uphold the family name, she wouldn't allow him to be anything but straight on a good day but now that the name Lightwood had been tainted and they were at risk to lose the position as heads of the institute...Alexander really didn't want to find out what would happen if he dared to mess up right now. Coming out would always be out of the question and despite his decision to simply keep his eyes on the job, to focus on being a warrior and keep feeling out of it, it wasn't always an easy thing to do.

Feelings clouded judgement but the problem was that he always felt something. Either confused and panicked about his emotions, hatred at himself for the very same reasons, afraid of being unable to protect his siblings or to not be a worthy leader to them anymore and those were only a few things. Sometimes Alec couldn't even think because everything in his head became too much and too loud.

The moment of their kiss had managed to shut the noise in his head right up and the only thing he had been able to hear were his heartbeat and the rushing of his own blood in his ears. Nothing else. A part of him wanted to be back in this moment - where he felt oddly safe despite being imprisoned and where he could be himself for a short fraction of time.

Alexander buried his face in the soft pillow with a sound that could almost be described as a whine and he squeezed his eyes shut even harder. No thinking. No Magnus. Just sleep!

It still took him forever to finally give in to the exhaustion his body ached with and he fell into a deep but rather restless sleep, dreaming of soft touches, sweet lips and the hateful eyes of his mother.

* * *

Almost a whole week went by until Alec's phone rang with a call from Magnus and he had no clue how to react when the other suggested having a drink together sometime. He used the current situation of having to look for Valentine and fighting his minions as an excuse to decline the offer because he was a coward and unable to tell Magnus he wasn't interested. Probably because his heart told him not to lie to Magnus and not to himself. He still tried to reason that he was busy and the feeling would vanish when he kept away from the other for a little while.

Another few days passed until Magnus showed up in the institute, checking the wards just to be safe but it was kind of obvious that he mostly hoped for a chance to catch Alec and talk to him. The question about going for a drink came up again after some awkward small-talk (awkward because Alec was horrible at it and his nerves felt like they were on fire) and he used another "I'm too busy" excuse. Magnus even suggested having the drink in his loft instead of going somewhere but that seemed even more dangerous to Alexander and he declined as politely as possible, though he still saw the barely there hint of hurt Magnus hid behind an understanding smile.

Alec had absolutely no idea what to do with the whole situation or the unfamiliar feelings that had started to build a home in his chest. He had been used to his misplaced crush on Jace, it had become a part of him and he had gotten used to his heart being _wrong_ , of choosing someone he could never have and didn't really want in _that_ way because Jace was his _brother_ \- not by blood but that didn't make him any less of a sibling. Now he had finally gotten on the way to overcome this silly crush he had carried around for years only to replace it by one on a Downworlder.

When he caught himself thinking about Magnus like this, as a _Downworlder_ and _warlock_ , he always reprimanded himself that the other was foremost a _person_ but most Shadowhunters didn't see it that way. His parents wouldn't see it that way! They didn't even know he had these kinds of feelings for men and Maryse would certainly freak out if she ever found out. But him about to fall for a Downworlder? Someone most Shadowhunters deemed worth less than even mundanes...He didn't even want to think about how his parents and all the others would react. Nobody could find out and he certainly couldn't let Magnus find out that something was there. It was better this way, for both of them! At least he told himself he was deciding for both of them and not just out of the selfish need to protect himself, to pretend he was what his parents would think of as normal. He didn't want to admit blocking this part of himself off out of cowardice.

Despite his decision of not acting of whatever kinds of feelings for Magnus were blooming in his chest, he still found himself thinking about the other man more often than not. He wondered how it might be if the situation were different, if the other was just a normal human if he himself wasn't as Shadowhunter. Would there be a chance to even try in some kind of other dimension where odds weren't against them completely? Alec always shook these ridiculous fantasies off like a dog would with water. There was no use to start with _what if_ s because it wouldn't change the situation or the fact that he highly doubted Magnus was honestly interested in him.

Alec had seen the way the other was looking at him but his thoughts still provided him with explanations, telling him why he got it all wrong and that no one - certainly not a centuries old being like Magnus - would or could ever be interested in a young Shadowhunter who knew nothing but fighting. He knew nothing about feelings that went further than the love for his family and the need to protect the people around him. Why would anyone see him as more than the warrior he was? It made no sense.

Almost two weeks went by without another word or sign from Magnus and Alec was glad but also worried. Part of him wanted to see the other, talk to him and maybe find out what it was that drew him towards the other man. The stronger part was the afraid one, though - the part that kept him prisoner in his own mind, not allowing him to be himself and open about who he was. He should forget about Magnus, move on and focus on his job. He was a Shadowhunter, raised to fight and would probably die young anyway. Thinking about getting more out of life was useless and ill-placed hopes and dreams would only get him killed that much faster.

Just when Alexander felt like he was starting to settle with his decision, his mother suddenly dropped the not so subtle hint of _marriage_ on him. Their family name had suffered over the past weeks, months even, and marrying into another well-respected Shadowhunter family would certainly benefit them, strengthen their position again. Alec was the eldest so of course, he was the one to get the "honour" of having to marry. His mother didn't say it explicitly, only mentioned how he was old enough and the same age as Lydia Branwell, the current replacement as head of the institute and it was obvious that she didn't just say it as some kind of motherly advice or friendly suggestion. Maryse wanted him to marry, preferably into the Branwell family because they had an honourable name and would certainly help them restore their former authority.

Alec never thought of marriage, never considered it because he knew he would never love someone he could marry and he never thought he might end up marrying out of duty, out of his responsibilities towards his family. Maryse's words never left his thoughts after that talk, burrowed there like some kind of parasite and pestering him about how reasonable it was. It would help him get over the wrong feelings he was carrying lately and it would certainly be good for his family. Every time Alexander was even remotely tempted to make a big decision, he always reflected on what kind of effect it would have on his family. He never really decided for himself but always for the sake of everyone around him, the people he held dear.

When he was on his way to Lydia, just to talk to her about the possibility of them, his thoughts strayed to Magnus once again. He hadn't seen the warlock in days and was sure the other had given up. Despite that being exactly what Alexander had wanted, it left a bitter taste in the back of his throat and he suppressed the memories of the kiss that tried to resurface every time he thought about the other man. There was no future for whatever that was. Magnus had clearly given up and it was better this way, for both of them. Alec had his own path and it couldn't include romantic interest in a man and certainly not in one that wasn't completely human.

* * *

"YOU DID _WHAT_?!" Isabelle stared at him with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open, shock and anger written all over her beautiful features.

Alec's shoulders slumped a little more and he bowed his head a little further as if he could avoid his sister's anger and just duck away from it. He could feel the emotions radiating off of Izzy, suffocating him and pleading for him to deny what he had just revealed to her.

"I proposed to Lydia and she said yes," he repeated slowly and tried to ignore the tightness in his chest and throat. He had followed his mother's _suggestion_ to help the family, to help all of them, but he felt like the weight of his decision was crushing him instead of giving him a sense of purpose. It didn't feel like doing the right thing. Not at all.

"Are you insane? Did Mum force you to do this? It has to be her doing, you wouldn't decide such a thing out of the blue without her meddling."

"It was my decision, not her's."

"Then look at me, tell me she had nothing to do with this and that you _want_ this!" Isabelle's voice was strained and he couldn't tell if it was from anger, hurt or something entirely else. Disappointment, maybe? Alec raised his head but couldn't bring his eyes to snap upwards, his gaze felt like it was glued to the floor of Izzy's room. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and the "This is what I want" was nothing but a whisper, a weak lie that didn't do anything to convince either of them.

Lydia had asked him multiple times if he was sure about this and that she didn't like the idea but she had ended up agreeing because they were friends and he had almost pleaded her to say yes. He had explained that it was more of an alliance than an actual marriage but both of them knew that there would be no going back, at least not easily, if they went through with this.

" _Oh, Alec..."_ The way Isabelle said his name, with a soft sadness that wrapped around his heart, suffocating him for an entirely different reason, caused him to bite his bottom lip and lower his head again. She sat down next him on her bed, slim arms wrapping around his broad shoulder and pulling him into her smaller but still strong frame. Izzy's cheek pressed against his shoulder and it only took a few moments for Alec to relax into the embrace, tilting his head to bury his nose in the soft, flowery smelling hair of his sister.

It felt like the control of his whole life had somehow started slipping through his fingers lately, speeding up at an alarming rate ever since he met Magnus Bane and Alexander had absolutely no clue how to fix any of this. Marrying Lydia had sounded logical enough, a way to fix himself and the wrong, twisted feelings blooming in his chest and taking root in his heart but now that he had actually proposed and it was really happening, he didn't feel like he was fixing anything. It rather felt like he was spiralling down even faster, neither seeing the top nor the bottom and not knowing where the fall might end, how violent the impact at the end would turn out to be.

He had always been a warrior, trained to fight the things lurking in the shadows of this world and protect the people he held dear. Romantic feelings were never part of the equation. They were always taught that emotions weakened you, made you lose focus and get you killed. He never had a too great struggle with keeping his emotions in check, not even when he started crushing on his brother and parabatai. But now...he had somewhat lost sight of his heart over the course of the past weeks and stood at the edge of a cliff, about to jump without knowing what awaited him at the bottom.

"Why didn't you tell me? You know you can talk to me about everything. Don't make such a decision all by yourself. I don't care what Mum says or thinks is right, I want you to be happy and I don't care if that's what makes her happy or proud," Isabelle mumbled into the soft, slightly worn sweater her brother was wearing, nuzzling a little more into his side. Alexander felt the apology form on the tip of his tongue but he swallowed it because he knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear and what he was supposed to say.

"I know I can but that doesn't mean I should always run to you with my problems. It's okay. It will be okay." He wasn't too sure if the words were supposed to convince his younger sister or himself but he did know that it didn't work either way. He had probably fucked up big time but there was no going back. Technically, he could just talk to Lydia again and call it off because he hadn't yet announced it to anyone but it would feel even more cowardly to back out right after.

"I wish you would _come_ to me with your problems because you never do. I love you, big brother, and there's nothing that would change it. You don't need to hide a part of you away from me, you should know that by now," she sighed, tightening the embrace just a tad more when she felt Alec involuntarily tense up at the implication.

"What are you talking about?" His voice sounded foreign to his own ears, small and insecure. Like the voice of a scared boy rather than that of a young man who was supposed to be a fierce warrior. Alec always knew what to do, how to act and solve problems when it came to battle but this was a situation he didn't know how to handle and it was right now that he became almost painfully aware of this fact.

"Alec, please," his sister begged softly, a silent plea embedded in this one word, and her fingertips dug gently into the material of his sweater as if fearing he could jump up and leave any second now. To be truthful, Alexander did feel the urge to flee the situation because he knew where this was headed - of course he did - but this was his sister, the person he trusted the most. Isabelle knew more about him than anyone else. Not even Jace knew him like she did and they were parabatai, linked and always close. But there were parts of himself Alec never revealed to anyone and he wasn't even too surprised that his sister had actually caught up with it.

Isabelle had a brilliant and perceptive mind but she knew when to keep quiet and not address something. She knew not to corner Alec and wait for him to make the first step but even her patience wore thin sometimes.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about and I wish you would just talk about it. I love you. I'm on your side and I will stand with you, no matter what. And I don't want to force you to talk about something you're not ready to admit to anyone but I'm worried about you and where you are headed now," Izzy pleaded and looked at her brother with wide, sad eyes. Alexander bit his lower lip, contemplating her words and coming to the conclusion that it might actually be time to come clean to someone and his sister was certainly the first choice.

"What do you want me to say? That I don't know what I'm doing? That I'm only marrying her because Mum implied it would be good for our name and that the thought of marrying Lydia is horrifying? I like her and she's amazing but I don't want to trap both of us in such an agreement. I don't want to marry someone I don't _love_ , it seems wrong, but it's not like I have much of a choice. This is important and not about me."

"Then make it about you! By the Angel, be selfish and make a choice for _yourself_ for a change. You always think you have to protect everyone but the world won't end if you take care of yourself every once in a while. Our lives are filled with so much fighting and pain, nobody can ask of you to endure even more of that than necessary. You deserve to be happy and I know you won't be if you continue down this road. Don't follow every of her orders. We might be warriors but we're also people - she's not just our boss but our mother as well, even though she tends to forget about it all the time."

Alec was a little taken aback by this sudden outburst and while Izzy had always been the one to defy their parents, mostly Maryse, the most, she never talked about it this bluntly.

"I have no idea what happened with Magnus but you seem so miserable lately and I don't care if you deny anything happened because I _know_ what I see when I look at you. You always carried this certain kind of sadness and dejection with you ever since Jace came here - yes, I noticed your feelings for him - but this is something different. Especially because I think Magnus could be good for you, he's a chance for you to find yourself. He's not Jace, he's not someone you have to feel guilty about for _liking_ him."

"He is, though," Alexander interjected carefully and stared at his fingers, intertwined in his lap. He could feel Isabelle staring at him and heard her huff of annoyance.

"Why? Because he's a _man_? Or because he's a _Downworlder_? Mum wouldn't approve either way and, sure, she might act worse because he's both but who gives a shit about her opinion in that matter? It's your love life, you choose who you want to be with and she has to learn to back off. Mum can't command our every choice and step."

It was scary how easily Izzy summed up his fears, knew exactly what it was that bothered him and held him back from acting the way he secretly wanted to. But it was just as relieving as it was scary because this way he didn't have to explain his reasons. Alec had never been good with words, especially not when it came to talking about feelings, but his younger sister made it easier. She didn't force him to say the words but said them for him. Isabelle had always worked _with_ him instead of _against_ him, the way their parents always seemed to do.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore," Alec finally admitted, his voice even smaller and a little hoarse. He expected Izzy's arms back around him even before he felt her move. Her fingers threaded into his hair, pulling his face against her neck and he suddenly felt so small and vulnerable when he gave in and melted into the soothing embrace.

"Talk to Lydia and get the stupid wedding idea out of your head, that might be a good start. And when it's done, you should go talk to Magnus," she suggested in an almost motherly voice and Alexander wondered when his little sister had stopped needing his constant protection and had developed into this strong, amazing young woman. Of course, he knew she wasn't a little girl anymore and that she was better in close combat situations than him most of the time but it still took him by surprise every time he realised again how much she had matured.

"I-I will. She didn't like the idea anyway and tried to talk me out of it," he mumbled into the crook of Izzy's neck, breathing in her familiar scent - something sweet and flowery that posed quite the star contrast to her rather fierce demeanour. Alec closed his eyes with a sigh and he just wanted to stay in Isabelle's arms for a little longer, feel the soothing caress of her slender fingers running through his hair for a few more minutes.

* * *

He went to talk to Lydia right after he left Isabelle's room but he didn't get a chance to talk to her about cancelling the whole wedding idea because Clary stormed into the room, babbling about needing to head to the Hotel Dumort and talk to the vampires about an alliance. Apparently, she had gotten it into her head that they should make sure to get the New York Clan on their side for the certainly upcoming war against Valentine and the fact that her best friend was one of the vampires now was supposed to help along.

Alexander kept himself from asking if Simon was alright with this - he didn't care enough about the former mundane to worry too much about his well-being and he had to sort out his own problems before he would even think of meddling in the affairs of other people. Admittedly, he also wouldn't say anything if he didn't have a bunch of problems on his own hands. Not when it came to Clary or her rather annoying best friend.

It was still questionable how quickly Clary had adapted to being a Shadowhunter, though. The thinking of using a Downworlder as a pawn to implement her own goal was kind of unexpected because she always claimed that Simon was oh-so-important to her but now she didn't even hesitate to use his new status as a Downworlder to get an advantage over her father. Sure, Valentine was a threat that needed to be eliminated but not necessarily by every means.

Alec still nodded in agreement when he was asked to accompany the others to the vampires. Not because he thought it was a brilliant idea or because he expected it to actually work - why would they agree just because some blabbering new fledgeling happened to be friends with a just as new Shadowhunter? - but he simply wanted to make sure they didn't fuck things up. Jace was currently training because he was still bitter about almost dying and felt like he had to prove something by exhausting himself completely when they didn't have any missions to deal with and he wouldn't exactly be a valuable asset for negotiations anyway.

Isabelle, of course, wanted to tag along - another reason why throwing Jace into the mix would only end badly because the tensions between those three was still palpable - and despite him trusting his sister to handle the situation properly, with Clary around he wasn't too sure how it would work out. Izzy was strong and knew how to behave during negation switch Downworlders but her _thing_ with Clary still managed to cloud her judgement from time to time. Alexander trusted his sister blindly but he didn't trust Clary and her influence on Isabelle. And he didn't trust Simon but that was a given.

* * *

"If need be, you may enter but only on condition that _he_ stays out here! I don't want him in my home!" The vampire clan leader, Raphael Santiago, glared at Alec like he personally offended the guy but Alexander was pretty sure he never properly met the vampire before. He had absolutely no idea what he had done to make this vampire despise him and frowned at the dark eyes glaring daggers at him.

"What have I--"

" _Tiene que irse! Y no vuelvas por aquí_ , Nephilim!"

Clary blinked in confusion because she clearly didn't get a single word of what Raphael had just said while Simon was gaping at the other vampire. Isabelle raised her eyebrows, glancing at her brother in obvious confusion but he could only shrug, just as clueless as to what had caused this hostility towards him.

" _Ya no se va_!" Izzy glared at the clan leader and most people would probably cower at least a little at her tone but Raphael looked thoroughly unimpressed.

" _Entonces, hemos terminado aquí_ ," he dismissed them easily, actually making a shooing motion to accompany his words and Clary's frown deepened, even though Simon had already leant closer and whispered something in her ear - probably the translation of what the hell was going on.

" _Cuál es tu maldito problema_?!" Isabelle was clearly getting angry now but before Raphael had the chance to reply, Clary interrupted the scene with an annoyed "Could you _please_ switch to a language everyone here can understand?!" that actually caused the clan leader's lips to curl into the faintest of smirks.

"Seems like everyone is capable of understanding it perfectly fine. Maybe _you_ 're the one who needs to up their game, wannabe-Nephilim." Raphael offered a humourless smile to the redhead before shifting his attention back to a fuming Isabelle.

"I don't have to explain myself to you lot but I will make an exception: the Lightwood boy isn't welcome under my roof after hurting a dear acquaintance of mine," the clan leader offered as explanation and now it was Alexander's frown that deepened because he was at a complete loss right now. He didn't know any vampires - Simon excluded but he was obviously not the one Raphael was talking about anyway.

"Who are you--"

"Magnus Bane - the name might ring a bell?" Raphael interrupted harshly and his features darkened even more. Alec barely kept himself from flinching at the mention of Magnus's name but his eyes widened nonetheless. These two were friends? And Raphael knew...something? He didn't want to think about the knowledge the vampire leader had of him and his... _relationship_...to Magnus. His stomach churned at the mere thought of someone other than Izzy knowing even the briefest glimpse of this part of him and he decided it might actually best to simply step back from this instead of risking that Raphael would say even more on that matter.

"Magnus Bane? Isn't that the warlock who helped you guys with a mission in Germany or whatever?" Simon asked, clearly out of the loop, and he ducked his head when the clan leader's glare was directed at him in return. The mumbled "Alrighty, shutting up" barely reached Alexander's ears.

"I'll wait out here for you guys," he gave in because he couldn't risk exposing any of this to the other's and he had now idea what Raphael really knew. Him not attending these negotiations wasn't strictly necessary anyway. It would be fine to leave it to his sister.

"Wise choice," Raphael almost spat and his lips pulled back into a smile, revealing his fangs in an almost playful threat while he motioned for the others to step inside. Simon mumbled something to the clan leader while walking past but Raphael only scoffed and rolled his eyes at the fledgeling. He sent another glare in Alec's direction before pointedly slamming the door of the hotel shut after everyone was inside. Well, that had certainly been an unexpected development.

* * *

Alexander could see how an invisible wall went up around Magnus when he had opened the door and realised who his unannounced visitor was. He felt his heart sink a little, still beating a frantic rhythm in his chest, and the urge to turn around was getting even stronger. It was two days after the negotiations with the vampires and Alec had spent the time since then thinking. He had talked to Lydia and they had called the idea of marrying off, fortunately before anyone except Izzy knew about it, and now he only had to keep his promise to set things right with Magnus.

Raphael's words and glare had seriously haunted him in his sleep because he had felt guilty enough about the way he had treated Magnus, even before knowing how much he had really hurt the other with his actions. Magnus was a really proud person and he probably didn't show vulnerability early, even to those he trusted, so the fact that he had obviously talked to Raphael about Alexander made it pretty obvious how much he had actually fucked this up.

"To what do I owe the pleasure? Business, I assume? How about you make an appointment instead of showing up here on a whim. I'm busy and not available on demand for you lot," Magnus said with a dark expression, his voice cool and distant. It reminded Alec of the time after they first met and the other had only regarded him coldly because he had fucked up back then as well. He seemed to be good at doing or saying the wrong things when it came to the older man.

"Actually, it's not about business. I wanted to talk to you about," Alec paused with a helpless gesture that probably didn't convey anything, "but I guess I can come back another time if you're busy. Sorry for not announcing my visit."

Of course, he couldn't help but jump at the first chance he got to flee the scene, even though he knew this wouldn't resolve anything and that he should be stubborn in the right moments for once.

" _What_ do you want to talk about, Alexander?" The other asked, voice sharp and eyes silently challenging him because he clearly didn't expect Alec to be honest about the reasons for his visit. He really couldn't blame Magnus for the assumption.

"About...about _us_?" It was barely above a whisper and for some reason turned into a question but Alexander couldn't find it in himself to care because at least he had managed to get the words out without too much stammering. Magnus's pretty eyes widened a little, clearly surprised by this statement before his shoulders relaxed ever so slightly and he actually stepped aside, silently allowing Alec to enter his loft.

Alexander bowed his head a little and tentatively stepped inside, keeping his gaze glued to the floor and just anywhere that wasn't Magnus. He felt like a child that was about to confess to having done something really bad to its parents and not like a young man who was about to maybe admit his affection to someone. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his faded jeans to hide the fact that they were slightly shaky from nerves - he could face live threatening situations in fights against demons and keep his bow steady to attack but the mere thought of admitting his feelings to Magnus scared the shit out of him.

"Please, take a seat," Magnus offered with a smooth gesture towards the couch but Alec shook his head, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, even though it didn't really do anything. Magnus simply shrugged and sat down, snapping his fingers to make a glass filled with some weirdly colourful drink appear in his other hand.

"So, talk about _us_ ", he prompted when Alexander stayed silent for several minutes, standing in the middle of the large room with his shoulders slumped and head bowed. He shouldn't have come here. He couldn't just say what he was feeling for the other man because he didn't even know how to deal with any of this. He hadn't thought about what would happen afterwards - how to tell his parents about this in case Magnus actually ended up agreeing to try...more. Alec was almost certain the other wasn't interested anymore, not after he had treated Magnus so poorly, brushing him off like their kiss hadn't happened.

"I'm sorry. For the way I treated you. I didn't mean to hurt you with my behaviour, I just...I don't know how to deal with any of this?" Alec offered a little helplessly and he was already at a loss for words before he even really started talking.

"Well, you did and you could have simply _talked_ to me or told me straight away that I misunderstood what happened instead of pretending to be too busy," Magnus quipped before sipping his drink while narrowing his eyes at Alec who only felt more unsettled and nervous with the other's angry attention on him. He deserved this, sure, but he still felt like shrinking away and disappearing into thin air.

"I know but...it's not that easy for me. It doesn't excuse my behaviour but...I...I was afraid," Alexander admitted in a whisper and added a mumbled "Still am" after a short intake of air. His shoulder tensed even more because he never really said any of this out loud. He had only talked to Isabelle by now and he didn't have to explain this to her because she _knew_. She knew him and the way he dealt with things but Magnus didn't. He never gave Magnus a real chance to get to know him and learn how to read him, so he needed to get his shit together and be honest, explain himself and maybe he had a slim chance of being forgiven.

"Afraid of what people will think if you get involved with a Downworlder?"

Alec flinched involuntarily and continued to keep his gaze cast downwards, despite the other's voice being awfully soft all of a sudden.

"Not in the way you think but, yes, among other things," he agreed carefully, hands in his pockets curling into fists because of the still lingering jittery feeling that made his nerve endings seem on fire and caused his fingers to twitch.

"My parents are...complicated."

"Obviously."

"I don't care that you're a Downworlder - not in a negative way, at least - but they are...They don't know this part of me and especially my mother won't even accept me liking another man," Alexander explained a little clumsily and he was aware that it sounded like a really horrible excuse for his shitty behaviour but he wanted to finally tell the truth.

"Izzy is the only one I talked to, who _knows_ , and that only happened recently. I never even thought about telling anyone but everything suddenly spun out of control lately and it was too much. I have no idea how to come out to my parents because I don't want to lose them, despite them being damn strict all the time. Hiding had always been the easier way."

"I would never ask you to come out to anyone, that's your decision to make. I simply wanted a chance to get to know you better after learning that you were a much better person than I initially thought. You're a good man, Alexander, I know that and I can see that you're struggling. But you can't expect others to help you if you don't admit to needing help." Magnus's voice wasn't cool and angry anymore, just soft and even soothing. The rustling of fabric alerted Alec to the fact that the other had gotten up from the couch again and a second later Magnus appeared in his line of sight - well, his feet did, seeing as Alexander was still staring at the highly interesting carpet on the other's floor.

"If you don't want any of this, be honest about this. If you want this but are too scared for whatever reasons, just be honest about it. Don't push me away if it's the opposite of what you want to do. This only results in both of us getting hurt, Alexander," Magnus pleaded softly and raised his hand, fingertips hovering close to Alec's lower arm but not yet touching, silently asking for permission to make contact. Alexander found himself answering the wordless question by making the tiniest step forwards, tentatively reducing the distance between them so Magnus's hand touched his lower arm.

"I want this but that's what scares me. I never...this is new to me and I don't mean...I mean _all of this_ ," Alec breathed, heart almost beating out of his chest at the tingly sensation of Magnus's gentle fingers curling around his lower arm, the pads of his index finger tracing the line of a bluish vein visible under the pale expanse of skin. He really hoped Magnus would understand the implications of his words. Alexander had never been in love - the thing with Jace had merely been a crush - and he wouldn't go as far as claiming that his feeling for Magnus counted as _love_ but he could actually imagine himself falling in love with the other man in the foreseeable future. But he had no idea how dating worked and the only thing remotely in this direction he had ever done was the one kiss he had shared with Magnus.

"Don't worry your pretty head about such trivial things. You're young and there's still plenty of time to learn. I do admit that I haven't expected this - just look at you, how could anyone think such a gorgeous young man would be new to all of this - but I suppose that's to blame on society. I'm honestly flattered that I'm the first one."

Alec felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment while Magnus's fingers felt goosebumps in their wake, still travelling across his skin - following the lines of his runes and the bumps of the small scars littering his skin every here and there. It was ridiculous how such simple touches managed to make Alexander's heart freak out, fluttering against his ribs like a bird in its cage, trying to escape its prison, but it also felt weirdly good to give in and let this happen. Being honest was surprisingly a lot less exhausting than hiding a part of himself.

"You are the first one," Alec confirmed awkwardly, cheeks heating up even more at his own ineptitude, "except for this one crush but that's all it was and it was completely one-sided," he blurted out and suddenly felt like he was channeling his inner Simon because that guy was usually the one who babbled on without thinking. Alexander usually weighed his words before voicing them but it proved to be difficult where Magnus was involved. The other chuckled, clearly amused about his probably painfully obvious struggle.

"Justin whatshisface, I assume?"

Alec's eyes widened, a sudden wave of panic washing over him but he managed to tamp it down immediately before he could have an embarrassing freak out during their kind of heart-to-heart conversation.

"Don't worry, you're not obvious about it but I've been around for a little while now and I'm pretty good at picking up on such things," Magnus assured him gently, fingertips pressing softly into Alexander's skin before tugging him close while taking a few steps back, effectively leading both of them back to the couch and coaxing his guest into finally sitting down.

"I know it's wrong. He's my parabatai and brother but I couldn't--"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me and there's nothing wrong about it from a biological point of view. He is your brother, yes, but you don't share the same DNA and therefore your body doesn't perceive him as a relative. Nature usually prevents us from developing these kinds of feelings to close relatives because procreating with someone that has mostly the same gene-pool wouldn't result in healthy offsprings but nature doesn't recognise adopted family as such "unusable gene material" and nobody can influence who they fall for anyway. Don't beat yourself up about it, especially because it seems to be something of the past?"

Magnus talking about procreation somehow caused Alexander to blush even more and he regretted coming here for a whole different reason all of a sudden. This guy was absolutely impossible! Though his explanation sounded kind of plausible and actually managed to lift at least some of the guilt that had been weighing him down for years now.

"Yeah, that's--It's in the past," Alec hastily affirmed, nodding his head along.

Magnus watched him with obvious amusement dancing in his eyes and his hand, still lingering on Alec's lower arm, moved further down to tentatively curl around his hand that Alexander had finally removed from his pocket. The innocent touch sent a shiver down his spine, causing his already rapid heartbeat to speed up even more.

"So, how about we take all of this slow and try to get to know each other first? I remember asking you out for a drink - maybe we could do that now?" Magnus offered to finally end this awkward topic and Alexander couldn't help but mirror the genuine smile on the other's lips. Of course, there were still things they had to talk about and he still had to resolve the whole _coming out_ issue but for now, it might be okay to just _be_ , live in the moment and simply enjoy the fact that Magnus still wanted to have him around. He had a chance at redeeming himself and Alec was determined to not fuck everything up a third time. Hopefully with a little more success this time.

* * *

"So, how is that thing with Clary going?" Alex couldn't really believe this question had just actually left his mouth but, _oh well_ , everyone had slip ups? Isabelle stared at him as if his face had suddenly started melting before she reached out to pinch his arm.

"Ow, what the fuck, Iz?!"

"Just making sure you're actually my real brother because you're acting kind of weird," she replied with a teasing smirk before focusing her gaze back on the screen in front of them that tracked suspicious demonic activity but nothing was showing up so far. The whole day had been actually kind of quiet and it was pretty unsettling, to say the least.

"Forget I asked, then. Sorry for caring," Alexander huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest while throwing his feet up on the table next to his sister who simply pushed them off again with a scolding glare.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm honestly glad you asked and I know you're not exactly fond of Clary," Alec huffed and got a slap on his upper arm in return, "but I appreciate the sentiment. And it's actually going pretty damn awesome. We still didn't really define what we are but we had a date yesterday and she actually kissed me for the first time and--"

"Okay, okay! I didn't want to hear about all the details. Please, no. I don't want to imagine any of that," Alec hastily interrupted his now positively beaming sister and grimaced at the thought of the two girls making out. He wondered if it was just the image of his baby sister making out with someone or more the whole thing of not being attracted to women that made him shy away from the whole concept of more than an innocent around of intimacy.

"We just kissed, geez, don't get your panties in a twist. And she's an amazing kisser, by the way," Isabelle replied with a wicked grin, winking at her groaning brother. It was probably mostly his dislike for Clary that made him cringe at the whole situation. Alec shook his head as if to get rid of the thoughts and tilted his head a little, his mood changing into something more serious again.

"Are you happy?" He asked and Izzy looked at him in surprise before her lips curled into a soft, genuine smile. Her hand reached out for his, fingers tangling together and squeezing gently.

"Yes. Yes, I am. She's amazing and I'm sure you will understand someday. Just give her a chance, she's simply stressed out most of the time because of everything that has happened but if you get to know her a little better you will see that she's different," she said with a fond smile and Alec held himself back from rolling his eyes because it was almost painful to watch Isabelle so absolutely infatuated by someone. He had to admit it was kind of adorable as well, though. Seeing his little sister happy was all Alexander had ever wanted and he might be disgruntled that the reason for her to smile like this had to be someone he absolutely disliked but it wasn't his place to judge, as long as Izzy was safe and happy.

"I'm glad to hear that, seriously," Alec admitted with a smile that widened even more when Izzy leant closer to press a short kiss to his cheek, squeezing his fingers once more before she resumed with inspecting the display for any suspicious activity.

"So, while we're talking about this topic..." Isabelle started after a brief moment of silence and laughed when her brother groaned and buried his face in his hands, clearly not very ecstatic to have the attention directed at himself.

"Well, he asked me out on a proper date and we will have dinner tomorrow," Alec admitted after awkwardly clearing his throat, cheeks colouring with a pale pink.

"To a restaurant or is Magnus going to cook for you?" Isabelle asked, work forgotten once more as she turned around to face him again, red lips stretched into a brilliant smile. They both jumped slightly when someone cleared their throat right behind them and they didn't have to turn around to know who had overheard their conversation. Alec immediately paled while Isabelle instinctively reached for his hand, their fingers intertwining as they turned around to face a very angry looking Maryse.

"Did I hear correctly, Alec? A date with not just a man but a warlock and _Magnus Bane_ , of all things?!" Her voice was cold as ice and just as sharp, fury burning in her dark eyes that were so reminiscent of Isabelle's, yet with an always hard expression, only ever really softening when they were looking at Max.

Alexander swallowed the lump in his throat but another reassuring squeeze of his fingers was enough for his shoulder to tense up with purpose, features hardening into stoic determination while getting up from his chair to face his mother at a better level.

"Yes, you heard correctly. I'm going on a date with Magnus and I don't see why this would concern you in any way. It's my private business." Alec held himself back from looking at Isabelle when he heard her surprised little noise but he couldn't really believe that he had actually just said that either. He had been so fucking scared of this confrontation but now that it had suddenly happened, completely unexpected, he didn't even feel as scared as expected. Mostly because Izzy was by his side, still clinging to his hand and silently offering her support.

"What's going on?"

"Jace, did you know about _this_?!" Maryse addressed her other son who just stepped up to them, looking utterly confused because of her accusatory tone.

"Know about what?" He asked carefully, clearly unsure what was going on and his eyes widened when Maryse told him about Alec dating a _filthy Downworlder_.

"No, I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me, Alec?" He turned to his parabatai with confusion and surprise etched into his features. Alec opened his mouth, closed it again and he didn't quite know how to explain it, especially with his mother's glaring daggers at him.

"Okay, maybe we should talk later but...Magnus Bane, huh? Good for you, man. I just hope he remembers your name," Jace added when he realised that this might not really be the time and place for a heart-to-heart. Maryse huffed, outraged by the fact that Jace was apparently more than fine with this instead of siding with her.

"I do, actually. Though I can't quite recall who you are. _Jane_ , right?"

Alexander blinked when Magnus himself suddenly sauntered up to them, closely followed by a very grumpy and suspicious looking Raphael. He had no idea why everyone chose this exact moment to show up but at this rate, he wasn't even surprised that it didn't take too long for Clary and Simon to show their faces as well. Alec had never imagined his coming out to turn into something like this, that he would do so in front of everyone at once.

"What are you people doing here? You can't just waltz into the Institute whenever you please!" Maryse almost shouted at the present Downworlders and she clearly didn't know how she was supposed to handle this situation.

"We didn't _waltz_ in here, we simply _walked_ inside and, by the way, you should do something about your elevator - that thing moves bumpy as all hell," the vampire clan leader commented dismissively, not bothering with pleasantries and not even looking at Maryse while his bored gaze swept around the place. Alec was sure he had never seen a more unimpressed expression than the one currently showing on Raphael's face.

"How dare you--"

"I'm here to clarify some things about the alliance but I can come back some other time if right now is inconveniently interrupting a temper tantrum," Raphael interrupted with a toothy grin that sent a shiver down Alec's spine because there was not the slightest hint of humour in the expression and the vampire was regarding Maryse with an icy stare.

"Rapha, dear, where are your manners?" Magnus chided playfully, clearly not meaning it because he was grinning and winking at Alexander the next second, not at all concerned about the way his friend was addressing the former head of the Institute.

"Uhm, maybe later would be a great idea," Simon interjected, sensing that someone might end up dead if this continued and his leader was obvious in the mood to not give a shit about who he was insulting. It wouldn't be the best thing if the alliance would already be revoked after a few days by accidentally starting a war in the middle of the Institue. Raphael glared at the fledgeling who reached out to curl his hand around the leader's elbow, tugging ever so slightly to signal a "let's get going" while staring at him with pleading puppy eyes.

Alec didn't know what kind of outcome he had expected but certainly not one that resulted in Raphael sighing and nodding at Magnus before turning around with a mumbled " _Estoy rodeado de idiotas_ " that caused Izzy to cough softly in an attempt to suppress her laughter.

"We will talk about this later, Alec!" Maryse finally declared, red-faced from anger but clearly not willing to make a scene in front of all of these people.

"What was that about?" Clary asked with a frown when Maryse stomped off with another condescending glare in Magnus's direction who brushed it off with a put-on sweet smile before he stepped closer to Alec, still keeping an appropriate distance even though the temptation to reach out and touch the other's arm was pretty strong, especially after Maryse's behaviour just now but Alexander seemed surprisingly relaxed - taken aback but relaxed.

"Mum overheard us talking about Alec and Magnus having a dinner date," Izzy mentioned and Clary's "Ah" sound was enough to let Alexander know that his sister had already informed her about what was going on. He would be mad but Clary surprised him by smiling at him and actually congratulating him and Magnus. It was somehow awkward as hell but Magnus thanked her with a playful little courtesy.

"So, care to explain since when this is going on?" Jace questioned with a small frown, mostly addressing his parabatai but Magnus as well.

"Another time, maybe, Judas. I need to borrow Alexander for a moment to discuss the details of our dinner date tomorrow. If you'll excuse us," Magnus piped and winked at Alexander with a mischievous little smirk, ignoring Jace's sound of protest at another ridiculous name.

Alec had absolutely no idea what the fuck had just happened but he couldn't even be too upset about his mother knowing - and therefore his father soon finding out as well - because at least his siblings clearly supported him and his parents would hopefully learn to deal with it as well.

**Author's Note:**

>  _Entschuldigen Sie ihn bitte. Darf ich Ihnen Alexander Lightwood vorstellen? Sie erinnern sich ja sicherlich noch an die junge Frau, die sie letztlich besuchte - dieser grimming dreinschauende Kerl ist ihr Bruder_ \- Please excuse him. May I introduce you to Alexander Lightwood? Surely you remember the young woman who visited you recently - this grumpy looking guy is her brother  
>  _Dieser Tee ist wirklich köstlich_ \- This tea is truly delicious  
>  _Auf Wiedersehen. Wobei ich auf Nimmerwiedersehen vorziehen würde_ \- Goodbye. Although I would prefer goodbye forever
> 
> * * *
> 
>  _Tiene que irse! Y no vuelvas por aquí_ \- He has to go! And don't come back here  
>  _Ya no se va_ \- He's not leaving  
>  _Entonces, hemos terminado aquí_ \- Then, we're done here  
>  _Cuál es tu maldito problema_ \- What is your damn problem  
>  _Estoy rodeado de idiotas_ \- I'm surrounded by idiots


End file.
